Going back to work has really, really changed my life. Although I only work part-time (in theory, that is), I don't have time for anything "extra" these days. No more sewing, no more experimenting with new recipes and no time for blogging. I miss it so much. No matter how many time I tell myself that tomorrow will be a new day, life continues to happen and I just get further and further behind. I don't regret for even one minute taking this preschool teaching position. I love it and I am convinced that I am where God wants me at this time in my life. Who knows where He will place me tomorrow? But for now, I'm staying put and I'm going to give it all I've got.
That doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with trying to do it all. I want to make my life fit into a puzzle that apparently has a few pieces missing. I had a lightbulb moment last night standing in the 40 degree weather talking to some great "new" friends. For the past year and a half I have been obsessed with controlling a certain issue in my life. On a monthly basis I have been consumed with its thoughts. I have even sought out professional help to make this "issue" become a reality. But as I talked to my friends about my desire for God to use me--for me to be open to doing His will-- I was overcome with a flood of guilt and shame for being so hypocritical. How can I want to be God's servant in some ways of my life, but totally unable to hand over even an ounce of control in other areas? It made no sense. So through tears of shame and joy, I think I have finally handed over my burden. The burden that I have carried for so long now. That does not mean that I don't still want my issue to be resolved, I just feel as if I am finally able to take a backseat and let God drive. I'm sure there will be days of struggle and doubt, but I pray that God will continually throw me back into the pit of shame when I start to try to take over the reigns again. And that is what He does. He brings us to our knees so that the only place we have to look is up!
But in an effort to get back on track..yet again..here are a few pictures from our Disney trip. I want to write more about it tomorrow, but to be very honest I may not. I have bought a nice scrapbook and developed close to 200 pictures. I've never done a scrapbook before, but wanted to make sure I went the extra mile to remember our Disney trip. Blogging about it can't do it justice. So...you'll just have to stop by after Thanksgiving and take a look at the scrapbook. I'm sure it's going to be great!
3 days ago