Wednesday, November 18, 2009

To Post or Not to Post

Going back to work has really, really changed my life. Although I only work part-time (in theory, that is), I don't have time for anything "extra" these days. No more sewing, no more experimenting with new recipes and no time for blogging. I miss it so much. No matter how many time I tell myself that tomorrow will be a new day, life continues to happen and I just get further and further behind. I don't regret for even one minute taking this preschool teaching position. I love it and I am convinced that I am where God wants me at this time in my life. Who knows where He will place me tomorrow? But for now, I'm staying put and I'm going to give it all I've got.

That doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with trying to do it all. I want to make my life fit into a puzzle that apparently has a few pieces missing. I had a lightbulb moment last night standing in the 40 degree weather talking to some great "new" friends. For the past year and a half I have been obsessed with controlling a certain issue in my life. On a monthly basis I have been consumed with its thoughts. I have even sought out professional help to make this "issue" become a reality. But as I talked to my friends about my desire for God to use me--for me to be open to doing His will-- I was overcome with a flood of guilt and shame for being so hypocritical. How can I want to be God's servant in some ways of my life, but totally unable to hand over even an ounce of control in other areas? It made no sense. So through tears of shame and joy, I think I have finally handed over my burden. The burden that I have carried for so long now. That does not mean that I don't still want my issue to be resolved, I just feel as if I am finally able to take a backseat and let God drive. I'm sure there will be days of struggle and doubt, but I pray that God will continually throw me back into the pit of shame when I start to try to take over the reigns again. And that is what He does. He brings us to our knees so that the only place we have to look is up!

But in an effort to get back on track..yet again..here are a few pictures from our Disney trip. I want to write more about it tomorrow, but to be very honest I may not. I have bought a nice scrapbook and developed close to 200 pictures. I've never done a scrapbook before, but wanted to make sure I went the extra mile to remember our Disney trip. Blogging about it can't do it justice. So...you'll just have to stop by after Thanksgiving and take a look at the scrapbook. I'm sure it's going to be great!


The girls got tattoos in Animal Kingdom


Nanny, Pops and our family in front of the Epcot "Ball."


One of my favorite pictures from the whole trip.

The climax of the trip for Lucy. I cried when my baby got to see Buzz Lightyear. It was truly magical for her.



And we lived Happily Ever After!


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6 comments:

  1. it's just plain hard to let God take the reigns sometimes. love you and thinking of you.

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  2. hang in there....everyday is a new day for all of us and we all have our own struggles...you are not alone and have a great family and friends to turn to!

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  3. A daily struggle for most of us, I believe... for me for sure! I am personally very thankful for where God has "placed" you right now, and for your commitment & dedication, too. By the way, today Cade & I were talking today about how he'll get to go to preschool next year. He said, "Yeah. Miss Kate can teach me how to do my work." :)

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  4. Cute! Betcha never thought you'd be sporting a Mickey tattoo! And know that things definitely come when they're supposed to :) I struggle daily with letting go of the wheel and just enjoying the ride. May God continue to bless you!

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  5. Thank you for sharing your heart. I'm glad you decided to "post" because it was a blessing to me!

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  6. Kate,
    You are not alone! I too am a control freak! My first humbling experience was when I was diagnosed with MS. This was the first time I had something happen that I COULD NOT control. I cried everyday when I was alone but infront of others I felt like I had to be macho woman. It wasn't until I gave it to God that I began seeing MS as a blessing. It didn't happen overnight but eventually I was able to let it go. Then with Ema, eveyone knows how that story goes. Once again, I had to put it in God's hands and once I did, that same day they called us. I struggle daily with allowing God to be in the driver seat. You are human don't be too hard on yourself. I don't know what is going on in your life right now but know that I will be praying for you and your family. :)When it is all over, you will have a testimony. One of my patients once told me when I was so depressed with MS.....when your in the valley the only way to look is up!

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