You know, the hardest part of this all has been missing out on so much time with the other members of my family. Ella and Lucy have learned to fend for themselves on so many levels. Even warming up their chocolate milk proves to be a monumental task for me at times. Halloween was a blur--I don't really know if I even took any pictures of sweet Jack, much less the girls in their adorable costumes. Forget carving pumpkins or going to a pumpkin patch. Erik did step in and do pumpkins with the girls, but there are no pictures to show how cute they were. And poor Erik. I guess we will resume our marital relationship as some point in the distant future. I long for the first night we get to sit on the brown couch together and watch some frivolous tv show and banter worthless chatter. Ahhh...fun times.
Thanksgiving and Christmas seem like a foreboding task just looming over my head right now. There are school field trips and activities that I need to attend and holiday decorating that must be done. It would be totally wrong to not have a tree this year, right? OK, ok. It'll get done. Somehow.
Sometimes I feel like a first time mom. The unexpected turning my life upside down. I always say no one can prepare you for bring a parent. While that is true, there is a lot about being a first time parent that just comes with the territory. What no one warned me about was being a third time parent with a monkey wrench called Colic thrown in there to boot.
Now, I want to make something perfectly clear to my kids (especially Jack) who may one day read this. I love you more than anything in this world. Even when Jack is screaming for hours on end, something in me deep to my utter core loves him to pieces. And I will be the first to acknowledge that this short-lived problem we are facing pales in comparison to the trials faced by other parents. I will forever thank my loving God that this is the battle he is allowing me to fight, not something so much worse. I try to remind myself of this everyday. BUT...that does not change the fact that things are hard right now. Trying, tiring and down right not fun!!
And just a side note, the Colic in itself has been hard, but right now I am experiencing some pretty intense health issues of my own. I have been advised to have an exploratory procedure next Friday but I just don't have a peace about it. I am praying that God will reveal His will for me in this situation. I know that if I don't take care of Momma, I can't take care of Jack. I get that. I am just faced with weighing the pros and cons of the procedure. The major con being jeopardizing the first truly successful and enjoyable attempt of breastfeeding any of my children. I'm just not ready to take that chance, but I'm also so tired of being sick and tired!
So, that's what's happening in the K house. Lots of diapers, tears and prayers. I am reminded daily that Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Christ, Mylicon, Mylanta, Prevacid and a fabulous glider rocking chair!
"Thank you God for allowing me to be the mother of Ella, Lucy and Jack. Thank you for allowing me to be the wife of Erik. Please help me be the best mother and wife I possibly can be. And please, if its not too much to ask, make this Colic go away. Amen."