3.28.2011

Today Sucked

(I took some adorable pictures today, but my camera battery just died.  I'll upload some tomorrow morning before we head out!)

Lucy did fine today.  Rather well, to be exact.  She had a long, long day with appointments starting at 10:00 and not letting up until 3:30.  I actually cancelled the last two of the day because she was worn out.  And so was mommy.  Mine was more of an emotionally challenging day.  I'm still really struggling to accept Lucy's cancer and the upheaval it has caused in our family.  Today was an I-just-want-to-punch-the-wall kinda day.  I held it together pretty well until I got home and then I cried most of the night.  I'm mad, angry, frustrated, tired, exhausted..and I don't see any relief in the future.

Today we found out that we have at least one more week on all of these antibiotics.  That means getting up 3-4 times a night for medicine changes.  DON'T GET ME WRONG!!!!  I would gladly do this for months if it would keep her out of the hospital, but we had our hopes up that we would be stopping them tomorrow.  Oh well, just a small price to pay to get my baby well.  And speaking of that....did I mention cancer sucks?  Well it does.  It does for Lucy and it does for the hundreds of other children being treated right now at St. Jude.  It sucks for the millions who have been treated for it, are struggling with or have died from it.  I just don't get it.  Children?!  It's all just too much for anyone to have to go through.  Really, it is.

Everyone keeps telling me that St. Jude is a happy place.  That the kids love being there.  I'm still waiting on that to start making sense.  Right now I walk down the hall and see sick children, sad parents and breathe the heavy aroma of burdens to heavy to bear lurking in the air.  Babies too young to imagine with cancer.  Teenagers missing their high school years because of cancer.  Kids like Lucy who look at their parents and say "Mommy, I miss my friends."  Yeah, try dealing with that one.

There are so many mothers who make the St. Jude trip alone and desperately need friends.  I'm just struggling to hold it together on a moment to moment basis.  Much less helping someone else cope.  And this is not my usual personality either.  Even at Le Bonheur I found solace in ministering to other peoples needs.  Right now, I'm needing some major ministering myself.  I have met three sweet ladies,  Hope, Tessie and Christina, and then another one today named Mary.  They are all very kind and seem to respect my need for some distance.  I met Hope, Tessie  and Christina at Le Bonheur and we were able to form a friendship.  Not a friendship based on desirable terms, but a friendship none the less.  I am able to text Hope and Christina when I need to vent or have questions.  Unfortunately, this is neither of their children's first time at St. Jude.  Both have recurring tumors and are currently undergoing RT and then Chemo.  I'm telling you.  Cancer sucks!

It is really hard not to get bogged down in the stories you hear.  Women like to talk.  We talk to vent our frustrations and find comfort in conversation.  I'm really having to distance myself from too many people who want to talk.  The friends I've met seem to get that.  Others don't.  Today I met a mother who's 2 year old has been through the ringer and quite honestly has basically no chance of living.  I can't help but be burdened for this mother, but the reality is that I have too much of my own burden to carry.  I am praying that God would open my heart to others and take away some of the anxiety I feel on a daily basis.  I know I am not being the Christian He calls me to be, but right now I just don't have it in me.  My prayers are selfishly going up for my child right now.  Sorry.  That just the way it is.  I do say sweet breath prayers everytime I can for these mothers I have met, but I would be lying if I said I have gone to His throne on a daily basis for them.  I'm working on it.  I'm just not there yet. 

I wake up daily and pray that my eyes would remain focused on God and that my mind and heart would be focused on Lucy.  She deserves and demands everything I have right now.  She is going to beat this thing, I just hope we have something left in our tanks when she is done.

3rd RT completed today.  They started on her spine.  We have about 2-3 weeks until her hair starts to fall out.  I've begun talking with Ella about this, but honestly have no clue what to tell Lucy.  I'd love suggestions for anyone who's been in this position.  My gut feeling is that she is not going to give a flip about it.  She probably won't want to wear a hat or anything.  I have a few that people have sent just in case!  I am also going to try to get her to wear those stretchy headbands with bows.  She is so used to wearing hairbows everyday anyway I am hoping this might seem normal for her.  Either way, she is going to be the most beautiful bald-headed 5 year old anyone has ever seen.  Cancer might get her hair but it won't get the sparkle from her gorgeous blue eyes!

Dear Lord, thank you for the sunshine today.  Thank you for allowing Lucy to do well with the doctors and nurses.  Thank you for Ella and Jack.  Thank you for my dearest friends and 2 sets of grandparents who love us dearly.  Thank you for loving me despite my bad attitude and thank you, in advance, for healing my daughter. 

2 prayer requests:
1.  My dear friend Sarah's father passed away this morning.  I know this has to be so hard on them and I just wish I knew the words to say.  I love you, Sarah and family.
2.  My sweet grandfather underwent some major bladder surgery associated with cancer the day before Lucy was diagnosed.  He acquired MRSA while in the hospital and is having some set backs.  He is scheduled to go to his Oncologist tomorrow to determine how his cancer will be treated.  But just like Lucy, they have got to get him well and keep him well before they will treat it.  I have not seen my grandparents since Lucy was admitted into the hospital on Feb. 23.  The night before I went to visit them right afer surgery and saw them for only 10 minutes in the ICU.  I miss them terribly, but they have both been too sick to be arond Lucy (my grandmother caught MRSA from my grandfather.)  Please pray that his cancer will be easily treated and that God will continue to bless his life. 



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46 comments:

  1. In regards to suggestions for her hair falling out. If it does bother her (the idea of it) I know of another little girl whose hair is just starting to fall out for the second time, and she and her friend decided to put their hair on the porch so the birds could use it to make nests. This seemed to make her happy about losing her hair again, as she was excited that "someone" else could use it.

    If Lucy does decide that she likes wearing hats, I would love to make her one with clip on flowers that she can decorate however she likes. Just let me know! hbrowning6@gmail.com

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  2. Sparkle can't be grown, her hair WILL grow back! Go Lucy Go. Tomorrow will be better Kate, I am amazed at your strength even though you can's see the strength you have now, it is there.

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  3. I feel so bad for you Kate, this is so hard! God will give you a caring heart for others you just need right now to focus on Him and Lucy. Have faith.

    Praying for you guys and your grandparents.
    <><

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  4. Thanks for being real. That is huge. My little two year old and I come here to check on Lucy each day and we ask Jesus to make her better.

    I would have just kept reading silently, but you mentioned talking to Lucy about losing her hair. I just read another blog of a little girl who is also dealing with cancer, and her family made a special event out of it by gathering her hair and putting it in a place where the birds could use it to make nests for their babies. The little girl actually found some joy in that. So I just wanted to pass that idea on for whatever it might be worth for you guys.

    Thank you again for being honest. I won't burden you with my own story, but your words about needing ministering yourself really struck a cord with me and blessed me more than you could possibly imagine. It let me know I'm not alone. Thank you for that.

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  5. Good evening. While you don't know me, I follow your blog and pray for you and Lucy daily. I had cancer, albeit at age 22, 3 months after getting married. While it's a totally different situation than your child having cancer (I have a 2 year old and a baby due in 5 weeks), I found it liberating to shave my head before I lost my hair. I did not want to see if fall out in clumps or relive why I was going through that every time I found my beautiful hair falling out. Maybe you guys could have a fun night where you all play beauty shop and shave her head, paint her nails, etc. This gets it over with and you do it on your terms instead of watching cancer take it from her. Once my chemo was over, I grew my hair longer than it was before and took back everything cancer took from me. But I would highly recommend not letting her watch it fall out. Make it a fun, beauty shop, spa night instead of reoccurring sadness. Best wishes!
    Taylor

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  6. Kate,
    I think you are amazing. I am praying for healing. I am praying that God will give you and everyone in your family the strength to make it through this life changing experience one day at a time. And I praying for the day that Lucy will share her story of healing and all she went through with people all over. As a mother of 3 my heart hurts for you as I can imagine how many directions you feel pulled in. Keep being the amazing mother you are. Praying hard in Indiana!

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  7. hi, i am praying for lucy along with my family! we know God will heal her! i want to send her some stretchy headbands. i make them and here is my blog, with pictures of the things that i make. http://ramonas-creations.blogspot.com/
    i want to help in any way i can. please let me know where i can send them, and what colors she would like.
    love,
    ramona

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  8. You're stronger than you know :) You may only have 60% to give to Jesus right now, but boldly give and worship the Lord with the 60% that you do have. Let Jesus fill you the rest of the way. Continue to throw everything on Him and let Him be your rock. Please don't be afraid to be brutally honest with Him, and don't judge yourself for what you're not doing or apologize for how you feel. You may not understand His plan for you and your family right now, but I pray you find peace in knowing that you all have been lovingly and purposefully made for this "adventure", and that he has your back and will never leave you. "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."(Psalm 37:23-24). The Lord is holding on to us, so the least we can do is try, and give Him all that what we can; it may not always seem like we have much to offer, but the Lord delights in whatever we are willing to give. YOU ARE giving him everything you can, and following his path he has laid out for you. While reading your post I thought of the above verse, but not completely sure why, or why I am sharing it with you. I just wanted you to know that you are being extremely strong and brave, and you are experiencing the heart of Jesus. Your heart is in the right place, and your faith is inspiring. Continue to hand over all the burdens that are weighing you down because Jesus is ready to bear them all for you. Lucy is an incredible fighter, and obediently living out His will despite how unbearably difficult it has been (or how difficult it is to understand why). I don’t understand cancer, but I do my best to trust that the Lord has a great purpose for it. I am and will continue to pray for your family.

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  9. I have been praying daily for your sweet little girl! I pray that God heals her completely! I have also prayed for your friend Sarah and your grandfather.

    No one blames you for focusing on your own child. I think that is to be expected!

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  10. Kate - not like I know, but I think what you are experiencing is totally normal and you shouldn't kick yourself if you can't be there for others right now. Also, I'm sure you have already heard this, but contact the American Cancer Society - I betcha they have some help for you about talking to Lucy about her hair and other stuff. Praying for Sarah and praying for your beloved grandfather. And of course, as always, for Lucy, Ella, Jack, Erik and you. God bless you.

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  11. I wish I had the words to help you. There is a Mom on facebook whose child suffered from childhood cancer. She is truly wonderful and very inspiring. She may have words and advice for you that I, and many others do not. Her name is Heather Duckworth. She isn't on there regularly, but I know that she would be of comfort and help to you.
    Know that I pray for Lucy every night. You are living a parents nightmare,and you are strong and inspiring! You are blessed to have each other.
    You need to worry about your burden right now. That has to be your focus. Never feel guilty about that.

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  12. Prayers continue to go up on your behalf.
    As for Lucy's hair, when a friend lost her hair due to chemotherapy she left it outside for the birds to build a nest. She took comfort in knowing her hair was providing a home to some little birdies...

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  13. My heart hurts for you guys...I sometimes try to imagine going through this with one of my kids, but honestly I can't bring myself to do that. I hate this for all of you.
    Do you guys read Kate's journal page? Maybe they have some suggestions for you guys about the hair loss?

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  14. Your post are the first I* read in the morning after I pray see I am a teacher and before school staarts we pray everyday so I add Lucy to my prayers everyday!! I can imagine it is very hard to understand how this can happen to your swet Lucy but Cancer does not care! From experience I HATE CANCER TOO!!!! My dad just found out he had Prostate cancer!!! They are running tests to see if it has spread!!! He said the other day I am worried about losing my hair and I told him about Lucy and he was I would choose to lose mine over that sweet little girl!! I started to cry!! God came over me and I felt better!! God bless you!!!

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  15. Hi, I am Christian Thomas. I am so sorry about Lucy and your grandfather! I wish that life was cancer free for yall. Everywhere I go I see Lucy's Ribbons. :) I think she is so sweet! :)

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  16. Praying not only for Lucy, but for you and your family as well. May God give you the strength minute by minute to face each and every challenge you face today and in the near future!

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  17. Oh Kate, my heart just breaks for you right now. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. I CAN definitely understand how you must feel about your burden though, because I think I would feel the same. When you have so much going on with your OWN family, it is very hard to help take care of others needs. Just know that your WHOLE LARGE TIPTON COUNTY FAMILY is behind you as we lift you and your whole family up in prayer for Lucy. I pray for y'all daily and for all the other children with cancer. I wish I could give you advice on what to say to Lucy about her hair loss, but I wouldn't know where to start as I have never had to go through this myself. Maybe some of the St. Jude moms can help with that.
    Prayers, love, and hugs!
    Donna Turnage

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  18. Hi Kate...I've been following your blog since right after Lucy was admitted into the hospital...I check daily to see how she and you are doing and your family is in my prayers! I just had a suggestion about Lucy's hair loss...a dear friend of mine had cancer and even though she's an adult, I threw her a Mad Hatter's Tea Party. (just like in Alice in Wonderland). We timed the party between chemo treatments. Everyone brought hats for her to wear - fun hats, pretty hats, functional hats, etc. We had name tags made from playing cards, colorful teas in mismatched china cups. I also had everyone bring her an inspirational saying written on pink strips of paper and we hung them on a big artificial tree in her living room. We all had such a great time -- and for a little while it was like cancer wasn't in the room with her. She's cancer free now - and donated all her hats to the local cancer society here in Tucson where we live. Even if Lucy doesn't like hats -- the Mad Hatter Tea Party just for her, might still be fun. Keep fighting the good fight and "Be anxious for nothing...God is still in control."
    Cindy Kelley, Tucson Az

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  19. I know another sweet little girl who had cancer, and when it came time when her hair was starting to fall out they decided to shave it so she could lose it on her own terms. She looked like she was having fun while they were cutting it :) I don't know if this would interest you but I thought I should mention it. Praying for Lucy!
    Love Lauren

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  20. Kate, I promise you that you are a wonderful Christian filled with God's love. When you think noone understands God does. At times like what you are experiencing this is when the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, when you don't have the energy or words for the prayers. Never, ever feel guilty for loving your child and wanting to be there for her and never feel guilty for being human and getting tired. God bless you and know others are praying. Keep posting all your feelings because you have to work through them all, the good bad and ugly. There is NOTHING that God does not understand. You are ALWAYS an inspiration. Let those of us who are not in your shoes minister to those who need it. You are putting too much of a burden on yourself. When it helps to reach out to others do so, when it doesn't stay to yourself. You have the right to grieve this situation also. Being a Christian does not take away this right. Allow others to minister to you. That is perfectly OK. I am praying especially for you today. God Bless..
    Joan Hanks

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  21. You go Kate! Sometimes you just lose it and that is completely understandable! Your human! Praying for you Kate! Praying for your sweet Lucy and all those who are suffering with sick children. Tina Anne - Eads, TN

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  22. God must have led me to your page today because I left my computer and came back to your blog page... He is so sneaky sometimes... I will pray with you for your sweet Lucy. I have a daughter who does not have cancer but does not have hair, long story... but she has been this way for 12 years. She is 24, graduated high school in top 10%, graduated nursing school at top of class, she has a job at a childrens hospital... Imagine the surprise of some of the kids when they get upset about their hair and she says... "want to know and see a secret?" OFF comes the wig....amazing amazing amazing how God uses my child to help other children realize... hair .. hair ... it's just a thing...Sweet Lucy will get everyone back... and it will be beautiful...

    But those that TRUST in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.... Isaiah 40:31

    God Bless You from Dothan, AL

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  23. Kate -
    I've been following your blog since Lucy had her first surgery. I'm a T-County girl who somehow landed in Minnesota. I pray for you and your sweet family every day. I can't imagine how you are coping daily with this horror. I really appreciate that you are sharing your experience with us. I hope that it helps to write it all out - venting the anger and frustration and celebrating the victories.

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  24. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. But me and my family have been praying: for Lucy, Mr. Coy, and also all the children out there battling this nasty thing they call cancer. It's not selfish for you to focus all your prayers on Lucy, it is called being the best mom you can be. You inspire me to be a better mother, wife, and Christian.
    With love and prayers,
    Melissa

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  25. Sweetheart, do not feel bad about "not being the christian that you are suppose to be". God is thrilled with what an incredible mommy you are and it is just up his alley to be your strength.

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  26. I used to work as a pediatric oncology nurse- some parents would let their kids dye their hair a wild color before it fell out... others let their kids cut it off before it started falling off. Some let their kids shop online for some hats or hair accessories (like the headbands/ bows)- just things that gave the child more control over the situation. And you're right- she is going to be a beautiful bald girl. There is no doubt about that.

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  27. I wish I had the right words...the words you needed to hear that would minister to your heart. As I read your words, and follow your journey, I can only imagine I would be having and feeling the exact same thoughts during such a deep, deep valley. I am just moved beyond words at your strength, courage, patience, FAITH! Really, the fact that you are able to share all that is happening, is just a miracle. But, more than anything, you are expressing hope...because as believers we KNOW we have hope in Him. I can't imagine any better encourager to those around you, than the hope you are portraying. As believers, we can look at His word and see the miracles at His hands and KNOW that He is the SAME God, yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and that HE HEARS US...and is with us every second of every moment of every day. I take your family, your sweet Lucy, to His feet numerous times a day, and I choose to believe...I'm claiming that a miracle is in the works. I also thought I would share a link to a devotional I read everyday, it really spoke to me this morning.

    http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/girlfriends/

    Praying for SO many good days and immeasurable blessings on your family.

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  28. Kate - first I read your post (as I do every day); and then I read this (through Facebook link): http://fansofbeingamom.com/1245/being-a-mom/a-mother’s-strength/. In a general sense, it echoed much of what you wrote... I pray also for you - your strength and your stamina as you care for family and especially Lucy.

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  29. Love the title for this one! Let it out!

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  30. Please know that so very many people are still reading this everyday and following your journey. Your honesty and transparency is such a witness to how real people in real times of anguish and pain deal with what life throws them as Christians, inspite of being Christians, and because they are Christians. Thank you for that. Please know that I may not know you or your family personally but my family and I love you and your family and are cheering you on as you fight the good (horrible) fight. And we plan on spending an eternity with all you someday enjoying life as it was meant to be lived.

    Sue Ann
    Munford, TN

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  31. Kate, I found your blog from a friend whose friend is going through the same As Lucy. I sat at my desk at work and cried, cried because you are right CANCER SUCKS !!!!! and when a child has to know this that really SUCKS !!! I read your post everyday and pray even more. Today I read your words and feel so for you. I to am one who needs "not to talk" at times so I know that feeling, and also know that it is often misunderstood for not caring or being shy. I say this to assure you that it is ok not to talk, no matter waht others think. It is alright to be angry ,God is angry that children have to suffer also. Our God is a wonderful and great God !!
    I know you are overwhelmed with messages and such so please know that I am reading your post and praying every day for you and your family. If you ever need to scream to a stanger who understands my email is always open rsquade@hotmail.com
    In constant prayer

    Ronda Shelman Arkansas

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  32. I've been following your blog pretty much since Lucy was diagnosed, and I'm a nurse that works with adults with leukemia. I just want to say that as a mother I can't imagine what you are going through but as a nurse I've seen what patients and families endure through this battle. It's a long road and I say take it day by day. If you look too far ahead it becomes overwhelming. I've been doing this for 6 years and I still become overwhelmed thinking about cancer. I'm sure your gut is right about Lucy's hair. Most young kids do pretty well. She will probably have her moments in the beginning when she wonders why she had to lose it. I've had many patients complain as it falls about it itching and leaving a huge mess. Most cut it pretty short as it starts to fall. That helps and might give her a little more control in the process if she gets to go for a short haircut first. The best you can do is explain to her that she will lose it but it will grow back in time. I pray for Lucy and your family daily.

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  33. Hi! I had a thought on the "hair issue"...What about giving her the option to shave it in the early stages? She will "look" like the others at St. Jude. but most important it will prevent her from the shock of seeing her hair fall out in clumps. My friend is a year out of chemo/radiation for breast cancer, shaved her head somewhat early and didn't regret it at all.

    Also, you are one of the most loving people I have 'never' met. I hope and am praying now (for Lucy always,) but also for you to not be so hard on yourself. You are wonderful and will have time to minister to others when Lucy is healed, but we all expect you to concentrate you strength on Lucy, Ella and Jack at this time. I understand you feeling a little selfish about that, but this is a time for you to give it to God for Lucy. You are not giving less to the others if you say a prayer for them and are able to help that much more physically and emotionally after Lucy is healed. I hope that all sounded right. You do a tremendous job of putting your thoughts in writing, it is a gift.

    Prayers for Lucy and her great-grandparents, and of course you and Erik, Ella & Jack

    Karina (Nash SLP)

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  34. try to to be to hard on yourself. This is still so new to you (even tho lucy has been sick for a while) adjusting takes time. I think God understands that your burden is heavy right now. These are the times when it is you who need others to help carry you.

    About lucy's hair from my experience as a nurse in this area it may be harder on you than her as it is an visual sign that she is sick. Just stick to the truth. tell her she will be able to wear hats head band or what ever to help. (dont for get sunblock on her head this summer tho) some kids like to cut it off before it falls out or as it falls out to help with the awkwardness of it. but remember it is hair, it does come back, and you will just love her as much with out it.

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  35. I found your page through another blog I read and find myself checking several times throughout the day for updates. Your sweet girl has captivated my heart and I pray daily for your family. I definitely hold my own sweet boy a little longer and tighter each day. I admire your attitude and more so your honesty about your feelings even when your struggling with your attitude. I truly admire your strength and sweet Lucy's strength I just wanted to take a minute to tell you that. Send lots of prayers your way!

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  36. You don't know me but I have been following your blog for a few weeks. You have been in my prayers. My dad has been going through cancer treatments for a little while so I can understand a tiny bit of what you are going through. Try not to worry so much about whether you are ministering to others. Right now it fine to just focus on you and your family. If you feel like helping later then do it then. Just focus on what you need to. Hang in there and know that God is with you though this hard journey.

    Love, Melinda in Texas

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  37. Dear Kate,
    I just wanted to tell u i am praying so hard for sweet Lucy.U have such beautiful children.And i will be praying for your sweet grandfather and grandmother.And for Sarah and her family.My heart is with u all.I hate the word Cancer myself.I have been blessed to best it twice.And i just know Lucy will beat it as well.You fight sweetheart.And i wanted to send u all so many loving hugs.Your such an amazing lady,mother and wife.You write so well.And i am in awwwww at your faith thru all of this.I will lift u up to the Lord honey.And i pray he will give u all the strength u will need to help fight with your daughter.And give u his amazing peace in all your loving hearts.You and your family have touched my heart.Know im here for u.And that i am praying and thinking of u and Lucy.And your whole family.God Bless U All

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  38. I just wanted to let you know that I have been following your blog, since this whole things started and have been praying for your family. Your faith is amazing and is such an inspiration.

    I wanted to comment about what to do it if Lucy has a hard time with her hair falling out. I know I do not know you or your family, but I have heard of families going through this, shaving their head in support. I am not sure if this something you or your husband would do, but this is something I have seen done.

    Thank you for letting me pray for your family.

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  39. I just love your honesty!! Cancer does suck, i have lived through my husband having brain cancer and it does suck! I have been praying for you all daily for allllllll the burdens you carry, they are all big and my heart goes out to you as you care for your baby. Know that there are thousands of people in Memphis alone that are praying for her!! By the way God understands bad attitudes and cries right along with you, He will carry you through this!!

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  40. I believe God hears the hurts in our hearts before we ever could say them out loud. He knows you feel for those other mothers and children. He also knows you have to keep your focus in taking care of the children He gave you for now. Lucy has made such a big impact in Tipton County in such a short amount of time. God knows the plan...we will keep praying! I know you don't know me, but if you need anything, let me know.

    Carmen Pfeifer

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  41. I just want you to know that while you may not feel that you are ministering to others you are in small ways. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I linked to your blog through another that was starting to open my heart to God's grace again but I was not there. Reading about Lucy and you and your family has opened my heart so much. I have not felt so open to Christ and prayer in quite a while, but I have felt so called to prayer for Lucy and your family that it is amazing to me. This has led me to rediscover prayer and God and belief again. I am praying so much for you and your family and that you can feel God's grace upon you and your family as you go through this.

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  42. I make hair bows! and if you dont mind, i would LOVE to make some for Lucy, just incase she would want to wear them! what address should i send them to?

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  43. Praying for you here in Maryland!! Wanted to share something that I got off of another mother's blog. Her daughter is going through radiation as well, and just started losing her hair. They've decided to put her hair out on their deck for the birds to make spring nests. Somehow, it made the ordeal easier. :)

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  44. i am a wilms tumor cancer survivor of 42 years. I was 5 and did not care in the least that I was bald... i hope your baby girl takes it this well. I survived a cancer that was terminal back in 1968 and was told would never have children, fooled all the doctors again and had two wonderful children and just became a grandmother. Praying for your little girl and your whole family that one day soon this will all be like a ngihtmare and she, like me, will not focus on most of her cancer childhood as she grows into adulthood. May the Big Man have grace on your family

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  45. Hi, I am from Cincinnati,Ohio and I stumbled upon your blog around the time that Lucy was diagnosed. I have been following it ever since and pray daily for Lucy and your family. In regards to Lucy losing her hair, I was thinking it might be a positive experience and memory for Lucy if you had a little spa day, as mentioned above, where you shaved Lucy's head, did a face mask, and painted her nails. Then, you could present her with a bunch of bandanas with her favorite TV and book characters on them. Each day she could wake up and pick what character she wanted keeping her head warm :)You could do a similar thing by going to a costume shop and purchasing fun costume wigs (Dora, Barbie, Jessie, for example) so as to make the experience of losing her hair as positive as possible and giving her choices so that she feels as though she is in control of something at this very difficult time. Again, I am praying for you and Lucy!

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