10.23.2011

Busy Weekend

I have to say that every 24 hours since the beginning of last week has been almost miraculous when it comes to Lucy's recovery.  Every day she grows stronger.  Every day she becomes more mobile.  And eating....well, at least asking for food.  Lots of it!  She takes bites here and there, but we consider her even asking for food a huge success!  She knows what she has to do to lose the TPN and she is giving it her all. 

Ella had a soccer game Saturday morning that I did not get to attend.  It was Erik's turn to watch so I stayed home with Jack and Lucy.  After the game Ella went to play with her friend "EJ" and had a blast! 


Lucy went to the hospital and had to get Platelets (she was at 14!!!).  That tied up Erik and Lu for most of the day, so Jack and I were home alone.  While he napped I unpacked Target House stuff and tried to begin making sense of the home that I've been away from for almost 8 months.  I wish words could explain the emotions I am feeling about being home.  I honestly feel like a stranger in my house.  Yesterday I just sat on the couch and looked around.  It was as if I didn't belong here.  I was looking in on someone else's life. 

My life has not been here since February.  Mine has been in the hospital, at Target House, on the road.  Don't get me wrong.  I am glad to be home, but its just not the same.  Yet.  I'm working to make this house my home again.  All the people who make up my home are in it, but my head has just not reconciled with my heart yet.

And the exhaustion.  Oh, the exhaustion.  I think that by being home I have allowed myself to let my guard down a bit.  In doing so, this crazy feeling of sheer fatigue has rushed over my body like a hurricane.  When my head hits the pillow I am sleeping so hard and I usually can't stay awake past 8:30.  8 months of running on adrenaline has wrecked havoc on my system.  I haven't run since I've been home and I miss it so much.  I was doing so well and was quite proud of myself.  Oh, well.  There will be a time for that eventually.  To be honest, its been hard to tear myself away from the kids at all since I've been home. 

After Lucy and Erik returned from the hospital, they met up with Ella, Jack and me at my parents house.  We had a Sunday School social there and had a blast.  We ate hot dogs and chili, the kids played in the yard, we had a bonfire with smores and then went on a hay ride.  The best part was that all 3 of my kiddos were there and had a great time.  Especially Lucy.  I think she had the most fun.  She felt so normal being with her friends.  I would be remiss if I did not add that she wore this costume ALL day yesterday.  Even to the hospital.  This is her Halloween costume. 

(picture quality is horrible)

As I think about the road ahead of us I easily become engulfed in fear and fatigue.  We have only begun the journey to recovery.  Sweet Lucy has such a long, long way to go.  PT, OT, school, eating, gaining weight, staying cancer free.  We still need to see so many miracles in her life.  I know that God is not done with her yet.  He has some mighty big things in store for her and our family.  I have to be patient and let God work His miracles in His timing.  The saying below reminds me that when I have grown too tired and too weary, all I have to do is hand it over to my Heavenly Father.  That's where it's supposed to be anyway.  Not in my arms, but His. 



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7 comments:

  1. Praying for that sweet little Lucy and the rest of your family!!!!

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  2. So happy to see all of you back home. Hang in there, Prayers from every direction are still pouring in all around you all.

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  3. Continuing to pray for your family!!!

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  4. Kate,
    As I read your post, it brought back the memories. The first 6 months of Ivee's diagnosis was spent mostly in our local hospital. Usually only coming home for just a couple of days here and there. If she wasn't in getting chemo, she was in for ANC of 0, fever, infection or hickman line issues. Then we moved to Memphis for 2 months to live. I remember driving home from Memphis, August 10, 2007 (yes I remember the date) and looking at my home. It was a very strange feeling. As I walked in the door, everything seemed foreign. I knew this was my home, and that this was my stuff, but it didn't feel like my home. It felt like I was coming to a familiar place that belonged to someone else.
    < Sometimes I refer that feeling to our spiritual journey. This world is a familiar place, full of things we know and maybe even love, but it is just a temporary home. Knowing that we are just "aliens" here, for our true home is that place where our Father dwells. >
    What's interesting is that now Memphis feels like home as well. I guess you can have two homes. There are days that I envision our future. That when Ivee is 18, St. Jude won't follow her anymore. I imagine a life of not traveling up to Memphis for her annual check ups, and sometimes it makes me sad. I know, that just sounds crazy, but when you live somewhere and build relationships with these people who care for your child and are "saving" their life, then I get a little sentimental. Boy, that time will be a great day, seeing my baby 18, I dream of it, but boy...It seems so large!
    Well, I'm done with whatever I'm saying, don't even know if it made sense, but just wanted to say, "I feel ya!"
    Take care, and I hope to see you OUT OF THE HOSPITAL soon!!!
    Love HOPE

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  5. I was just thinking that it must be amazing for you to be able to write a post like this. Yes, Lucy has a long way to go, but how amazing that she has come so far in the past 8 months. I am continuing to pray for Lucy and the rest of your fmaily.

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  6. What can I say "Hope Foley" worded it perfectly. Praying for all these precious kids who continue their battle and the families that are coping w/their "new normal" and taking it "One Day at a Time".

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  7. Kate, I just today have been able to catch up with sweet Lucy. I am sure your more settled in by now. I just wanted to say me being a runner, Hallies open heart surgery was a year ago. She didn't have NEAR the recovery your Lucy has had however I at the time lost all motivation for ANY WORKING OUT, and also after 10 yrs of eating very clean, well lets just say still praying and struggling daily to get back to my "normal". Hang in there and like with a newborn when you can sleep, SLEEP!!!!! Your such an inspiration to me!!!! Bless you and your family:>

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