Thursday, May 31, 2012

One Day

Its amazing how one day can make such a difference in our home.  Sometimes "one" day brings great things.  Sometimes "one" day brings set backs.  Today has been a set back day.  Just yesterday Erik and I were talking about how wonderful Lucy was doing.  She has felt better and has had more stamina than she has in over a year.

Then, around 10:00pm last night, she started screaming of stomach pains.  This went on ALL night.  Neither of us got any sleep and I know she had to be so tired today (because I sure was.)  The stomach pains have been mild today, but she has developed a yucky discharge from her eye.  I'm praying its just a sinus infection.  She did vomit tonight, so that has me on my toes a bit.


I asked Erik today if I would ever get to the point where I didn't find myself consumed with thoughts about Lucy's life and how she has been robbed of so much.  I have come to realize that so many times during the day I feel surges of anger that run through my body like electricity.  I hate it.  I hate feeling the way I do, but I hate more than anything what Lucy's life has become.  Right now, every single day presents a challenge, a struggle.  Bless her heart.  She is so strong.

I am praying for and waiting on the time when God begins to reveal the blessings that are going to come from this trial.  I believe that God has something great in store for her sweet little life.  I just hope that one day I can accept what he has in store for her and stop mourning the child she was.  I fear that my anger will cause me to miss the blessings.

BUT...she's here.  I am grateful.  I say prayers of thanksgiving every single day when I think about her and my other two beautiful children.  I'm also thankful to have an awesome partner in crime with whom I can fight this fight.


Daddy's a little under the weather, so this Momma has a couple of hard days ahead of her.  I'm going to try to get Lucy to the doctor tomorrow and then just try to keep our head above water until Erik is back in the ballgame.  Send a prayer our way.  We are going to need it.

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26 comments:

  1. We are all on the prayer line right now.....

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  2. Said a prayer just now...specifically for Lucy's self-esteem. I just felt the need to. Hoping for a good update soon!!

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  3. Thank you Maisie. This is a huge burden that I carry every day. I worry about her going forward. Thank you for listening and hearing the call to pray for that. It was much needed.

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  4. Prayed that God will carry you and your precious family in His righteous right hand.

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  5. I love you and am praying right now.

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  6. Prayers are being sent your way, as it will continue everyday. I hope she gets better soon and I hope you all can get some rest and ease of mind. God always has a plan and we never know what it is until it comes are way! He will guide you and your family in the right way. Prayers and love are coming!

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  7. Praying now and will continue!

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  8. We pray for you every night. Ciara prays that she gets better and grows more hair. Lucy already is something very special but I have a feeling she is going to grow up to be one amazing girl.

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  9. Ah! I could scream for you! Had been smiling at all of your recent posts thanking God for your good days. I know we are to "praise Him in the storm", but it doesn't make it easy. It sucks. My heart breaks for Lucy and all of you. I pray it is a quick virus and she is bouncing around and back to her albeit new self very soon. Prayers for Erik, too, for quick healing. I will wear my 5K Go Lucy Go shirt tonight on my run and pray for your family as I run.

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  10. My poor friend...sending you HUGS!!! You know, when I was diagnosed with a chronic disease one thing I had to learn was to pace myself properly....even to this day - 5 yrs into my pain, I am still learning. Maybe this is something that will benefit Lucy & yourself? If you are interested in learning more, let me know & perhaps we can talk!!

    Thinking of you & Praying little, sweet, girl gets better sooner than later!!!

    Love,
    Jenn

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  11. Oh Kate, I am so sorry for Lucy and you all, What a hard road you are all on. I so would be just like you, I can not help but to be angry and mad thinking why a little girl / any little child or any person for that matter should have to go through what Lucy and others go through. I really have a hard time believing that people should have to suffer like they do. A parent lives daily to watch their child enjoy life and live it to the fullest. Then when you have to watch them struggle everyday it is enough to second guess why and what the purpose to all of this is. I can not help but be angry and then as you know when we get angry it takes so much out of us. I wish there was something I could do for you all. I hope that Erik gets feeling better. I have to say Kate your kids are so sweet and Jack has the most precious smile even though he is wild. Those smiles everyday can really keep you going I am sure. Good Luck to you all.

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  12. Kate, I am praying daily for Lucy and your whole family. I want to thank you for this blog. When I first started reading it, little did I know that my "little girl" (33) would be going through fighting a brain tumor. Your blog gives me strength. I FEEL your fear, anger and pain as a mother. I pray today that Lucy's stomach pains will be gone, as well as her nausea. Praying that the doctor visit will be a positive one. And, as always, praying for your and Eric.

    Terry Anderson Sykes

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  13. I'm always praying for you guys. This is such a long, tough ride but you really are doing an amazing job of making changes and surviving with a wonderful attitude.

    Keep looking up, Jesus will help you through all of this.

    Praying and praying,
    <><

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  14. Y'all are always in my thoughts but I'll add an extra prayer that things return to "normal" for you soon. So sorry poor Lucy isn't feeling well. Sweet, sweet girl.

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  15. Praying for all of you! I pray for strength for Lucy and for you to get through this

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  16. Prayers for all of you to have health, peace and continment through all of your trials.

    Good Bless you and your prescious family.

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  17. How I got through the years of 3 small kids and dad constantly traveling:
    Pray.
    Call Dominos.
    Find a young teenager to "babysit" while you are home.
    Repeat.

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  18. I'm so sad to hear about Lucy's setback - I cry every time that happens. She's such a sweet little girl and deserves to have the best life possible, and I pray every day that things get better and that she beats this horrible disease. You're such a devoted mom, and I pray that you have the strength to just keep on keepin' on, 'cause Lucy and your whole family need you so much. I know that everything's gonna turn out just fine - it has to. God bless you!!

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  19. im so sorry!!!! praying praying praying!!!! just remember evrything happens for a reason!!!!!!

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  20. You amaze me every single day. I am a follower of your blog since the beginning of Lucy's journey. Your faith and strength will pull you through. I admire you as a mom and a woman. I am a new mom who is constantly feeling overwhelmed and you put it all into perspective for me. Thank you.

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  21. My mom was in a car accident several years ago and suffered a brain injury. We are very blessed to have her alive. But, she is not the woman she was before. There are so many ways that she can no longer be involved in my life and my children's. I struggle every day with who she is now and who she was before. I have often thought how hard it would be to see this in my children. I commit to pray for you. I can only imagine how much harder it is to mourn for the child you had before while fiercely loving who she now is.

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  22. Jessica Corina EnriquezJune 1, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    Such a cute smile of Jack! He IS SOOOO ADORABLE!

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  23. Continually praying for all of you. GOD Bless

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  24. Kate,
    Being through a very similar situation myself, it is totally understandable that you will go through moments of anger, and God understands that. But I also know that as you focus on Worshipping God and thanking Him for every moment He has given you with Lucy and each of your other children, husband, those you love....that will help you keep the right perspective on your situation and the right perspective towards who God is and His character. I can tell you that though you might not see it, this trial has helped you and Lucy (and no doubt many others around you) grow in their relationship to God. I watched the movie Courageous (have you seen it?) and it really helped me process what happened in my life at an early age with a right perspective of God and His love for us. EVERY MOMENT is a gift....to be here on this Earth for this short time, to experience love and give love to those God has brought in our lives or those He has given us to love (our husband, our children, friends), and most importantly the moments we take to reach out to the lost who are not saved and don't know the love of Jesus and what He has done for them. Some of what I have said might sound far off from what your post was about, but I truly believe that as we embrace a heart of thankfulness for every waking moment He has given us on this Earth, to love those He's given us, and share His love with those that are lost, it keeps us from the devil's strategy which is to walk in anger and try to taint the character of who God really is in our eyes. The devil is always accusing God to us in our minds..."If God was so good, then why...." but recognizing when those thoughts come help us battle against those thoughts and maintain our heart of gratefulness. You must guard your heart and battle those thoughts in prayer because the devil ultimately wants you to be angry at God, when the devil is the cause of sickness and disease on the earth in the first place! And when you become angry at God, the devil gets a foothold on your mind and his hope is that you will eventually turn away from Him. I hope this encouraged you somehow. :)

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  25. Kate, from one momma to another...its ok to be angry. Be angry. Allow yourself that permission. God is GOOD, all the time...he knows right where you are at and he understands it all. He is bottling up every tear drop. Rest in his mighty arms as you love on Lucy. I'm sorry you are hurting. You will experience the blessings that you know are to come...when you least expect them. May God's angels carry your precious daughter to his mighty arms in the most peaceful way for you. God Bless ya Momma; Micah Frey

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