Its amazing how one day can make such a difference in our home. Sometimes "one" day brings great things. Sometimes "one" day brings set backs. Today has been a set back day. Just yesterday Erik and I were talking about how wonderful Lucy was doing. She has felt better and has had more stamina than she has in over a year.
Then, around 10:00pm last night, she started screaming of stomach pains. This went on ALL night. Neither of us got any sleep and I know she had to be so tired today (because I sure was.) The stomach pains have been mild today, but she has developed a yucky discharge from her eye. I'm praying its just a sinus infection. She did vomit tonight, so that has me on my toes a bit.
I asked Erik today if I would ever get to the point where I didn't find myself consumed with thoughts about Lucy's life and how she has been robbed of so much. I have come to realize that so many times during the day I feel surges of anger that run through my body like electricity. I hate it. I hate feeling the way I do, but I hate more than anything what Lucy's life has become. Right now, every single day presents a challenge, a struggle. Bless her heart. She is so strong.
I am praying for and waiting on the time when God begins to reveal the blessings that are going to come from this trial. I believe that God has something great in store for her sweet little life. I just hope that one day I can accept what he has in store for her and stop mourning the child she was. I fear that my anger will cause me to miss the blessings.
BUT...she's here. I am grateful. I say prayers of thanksgiving every single day when I think about her and my other two beautiful children. I'm also thankful to have an awesome partner in crime with whom I can fight this fight.
Daddy's a little under the weather, so this Momma has a couple of hard days ahead of her. I'm going to try to get Lucy to the doctor tomorrow and then just try to keep our head above water until Erik is back in the ballgame. Send a prayer our way. We are going to need it.