10.17.2012

Clearing the Air

Thanks to everyone who has left encouraging comments, sent sweet texts or sent a kind email. I have several emails that I need to respond to. You guys have offered amazing help and want to do such kind things for my family. Thank you. I honestly am so humbled I can't even find the right words with which to reply.

Please hang with me (if you want.). I love writing this blog and plan to continue to do so for a very long time. I appreciate you following along and it means so much to know that people are praying for us on a daily basis.

I'm tying up some loose ends on projects that I started and plan on taking a break from those things for a while. Family, church, school and the Foundation are all that seem to fit for us right now. Like I said, I will continue to blog because its my daily therapy session. I need this for my sanity. But some days the blog doesn't even fit into my day.

I have begun to feel that the words I wrote may seem like a constant complaint. As if all I ever do anymore is whine. I don't mean for that to be the case. What I want my blog to be is a journal of my (our) life. If I am not honest here then I will not have an accurate account of what life for us during this season was really like.

For example, when I say I haven't slept through the night in 3 years I'm not whining. I'm just helping myself understand and remember why I am so stinking tired all the time.

As much as I want to forget a lot of my life lately, I really do want to remember. It is reflecting back on the really hard days that helps me put the present in perspective. I hope that the future hard days fail in comparisons to the present. Without this journal I may not be able to appreciate what I really have at the moment.

Tonight the family bunkered down for a rather scary tornado warning. Driving home from choir practice..alone...with the weather sirens blaring was really not fun. All seems to be well now and we are finally heading to bed. Tomorrow jack has 3 doctors appointments. Please say a prayer for him as we try to come up with a game plan for getting his asthma under control. As many of your know, asthma is just so scary.

Lucy is working towards staying at school 2 full days a week. She had a pretty bad week last week but seems to have rallied pretty well. Ella...well she's just a lot like Mary Poppins. Practically perfect in every way.

I wanted to end tonight with a Bible verse that i've been thinking a lot about lately. I want to adopt a verse for our family and I think this might be it. Everyday before school I pray with the girls as we drive. These are the words I pray, although not in this exact verbiage.

Micah 6:8
...And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

If this is what The Lord requires of us, then I want my life to reflect this. I want my children to see me live this life. I learned this week that if over extending myself puts me in compromising positions in which I can't live the way God wants, then i just have to say "no." No amount of volunteering can erase one example of a bad witness. People always want to remember the bad. Not the good (intentions).

Whew! It's been a long week and it's only Wednesday. This post has been all over the board and I apologize. I just needed to clear the air.

33 comments:

  1. Kate,

    Forgive how blunt and honest I am going to be. I really cannot help it. You are far too hard on yourself. I never read your words andher whining. And what you deal with day in and day out is worthy of more than whining. There are days when your life has been a nightmare and days when it is a treasure. There are more of course that a bliss, but to deal with what you do day in and day out and to land back in the hospital with Jack...it is much too much.

    I pray for your family daily. I am praying for Lucy right now. You may not remember me but you graciously allowed metro share Lucy's story at an oncology nursing conference. That was in April. I was speaking at another conference this past weekend and one of the attendees was there who was also there in April. She asked about Lucy? We are praying Kate. And we are praying for you too!

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  2. Kate, I think ANY mother understands that your words are not words of complaint but words of truth. My husband says mothering is the hardest job on the planet and the job all other jobs support :). You don't owe anyone an explanation or apology and we all think you're amazing. I wanted to ask you about Jack. I know I've heard you say you're gluten intolerant and my second son began having asthma problems when he was 2. It was so scary. It got worse and worse until by the time he was 3 1/2 nebs weren't working anymore. He had horrible eczema. We had him allergy tested and it all came back negative. Then we moved and shortly after that move it took a turn for the worse and my husband and I were up 4-8 times a night sitting with him doing neb treatments and steroids. We could hardly keep him stable. Finally a friend told me about this Christian family practice (MD) doctor that has a holistic approach. She begged me to go see him. So as a last resort to the hospital we went and through a method of testing called "nutrition response" testing he determined our son was severely allergic to ALL grains (not just gluten) AND dairy. I didn't believe him at first as we had done traditional testing both blood and skin. But we had nothing to lose so we immediately took him off of all of those foods. I kid you not, within 24 hours his breathing had cleared. As the days went on the dark circles around his eyes faded and his skin cleared. He began to be able to run without coughing and he lost the strange protruding belly he had despite being scrawny. He is now slim but muscular. It's been nearly a year and he is the picture of health. There have been no further attacks or nebs needed. I don't know if this is the answer for you, I know asthma is very real and very scary, but I had to tell you our story just in case it could help.

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  3. Kate, I am so glad that you are comfortable to let loose here. I am here to support you as all the others are too. What you and your family are going through is extremely tough. I don't think you are whining but venting off the steam that if you didn't let out and get support would otherwise cause health issues in you.


    I love this verse and think about it often.


    Praying and praying for you and your family.
    <><

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  4. You are not whining! You have to be honest, you have to vent - if you didn't you would go nuts!

    Your witness and testimony stand strong. You blow me away!

    I've so had to scale back in my own life. I always want to say yes. I can remember listening to Elisaberh Elliot say many years ago on her radio program that it is okay for us as wives and mothers to make our family our #1 ministry. In fact that is how it should be. God will most certainly honor the decision.

    Sweet Jack. My son at that age was in and out of the hospital it seemed every week. In fact I still have our breathing machine. At one time he was on 17 types of medicine a day. I don't think I slept the first four years of his life. He was a curly haired blonde ball of energy. To be so sick one day and rebound the next. But after age four he started staying well for longer periods of time. Today he is 14 and huge. Healthy with a bottomless pit for a stomach. He is a protector, the first to help a lady, messy, funny, stubborn, affectionate, and wants to be a Marine. I am already claiming that Jack will outgrow his asthma...he will be bigger than his daddy one day. Lucy is remarkable and Ella is amazing.

    You and your hubby are doing what is right! Just take care if you! Rest, cling to God, continue to find peace in your relationship with Him. And now to make you laugh..,, ignore the planner, the dust, the dishes and yard work and paint your toenails a funky color. That way when you look down you will laugh.


    Praying!

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  5. Micah 6:8 is a wonderful verse. It has helped on days when the Lord seemed to require a lot from me. He is asking a lot of you, Kate, and with HIs help, you are living a strong Christian life surrounded by many witnesses. It has not been easy, but you have earned our respect. Along with that, we freely give you our love and prayers. You're doing just what the verse says, Kate...walking humbly with God. Thanks for sharing with us, and being honest.

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  6. A very wise church lady told me that you should never do something just because it is a good thing if it is not God's call for you. There are 2 reasons. First, you won't have the time and energy to do what is God's call for you. Second, you will be taking away something that is God's call for someone else. You will steal their call and their opportunity to God's work. So, it is important not to do things out of guilt or the feeling that "someone has to do it" even if it is a really good thing. God's got it all under control- he will call people to do the things he wants done. Our job is to listen (easier said than done!) and do what he has called us to do.

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  7. Your words have really spoken to me today, as someone who also has a hard time saying "No!" so thank you for sharing.

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  8. Kate -- I have never read your words as complaining. I know that doesn't affect how you perceive them but I wanted to add my voice here. You need a place to share, to remember, and this blog likely started (as so many do) as a way to journal your family's life. Then you got thrust into the toughest situation imaginable and your blog became read by so very many people. I imagine it's hard to just keep chronicling your life at that point without wondering, "How will my words be taken today?"

    Just remember that most of us on here are just wanting to lift Lucy, you and your family up in prayers and knowing what to pray for, what your family is rejoicing about or struggling with, helps us to focus those prayer requests.

    For today I am praying for sleep for you, the strength to say "No!", for Jacks' asthma to calm, and for Lucy to keep it up at school.

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  9. I love that verse. I have been trying to come up with verses to cover my children with in prayer. I want one to represent each child for who He created them to be. This one just might fit my son.
    On another note...hang in there. Even without a fight with cancer this stage of life is challenging. It is hard to be responsible for 3 kids who all need you and your time. I commit to pray for you when I am feeling the pressure over here.

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  10. I agree with Jennifer and I know you will too, Kate. We all love you and your family and want more than anything for you to put them first and foremost. No matter how much we love you, a lot of us will come and go. One reason for that is that so many have family to take care of. And that's what you have - a wonderful, beautiful family that needs you. I believe God is calling you and I believe that are many who read this blog and learn so much. But God will let you know the path He wants you to take. And there will always be people who love you reading this blog and giving you support. I have one special needs daughter who is grown and I live alone. I pray for you and others. I need to listen closer to God, I believe He's been calling me and I'm listening to Him. I know He listens to me when I pray for you and others. I believe you will work it out and I will continue to read for I am curious to see the path you will follow. God bless everyone of you. I keep your family in my prayers and heart.

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  11. I hear your wods as well. Thank you for putting into words what I needed to hear.

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  12. Kate, I have never read your words as complaining. I feel like I have gotten to know you through your blog posts. Wish I lived closer. I'd drop off dinner and I know my girls would love to play w/Ella, Lucy and Jack for awhile. Hugs from MD, Keri

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  13. We too love that verse. It is our family motto and hangs proudly in our livingroom. If everyone lived by those words, what an entirely different world we would be living in. Stay strong. Lynette

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  14. Kate! It's not whining! it's not complaining! It's sharing your worries, troubles, fears and struggles with your internet friends! We want to hear all about it and we can handle it. How else would we know what specific things to pray about for each other? Write what you want, when you can. We'll be here!

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  15. Thank you, Kate, for expressing your inner feelings to us. The majority of us have never been tried as you and your family have and yet you have continued to rise to the challenge and maintain your faith in our Lord God. Many, many have felt the emotions you have felt but were unable or unwilling to share them. You have put words to those feelings. In addition I have heard people moan and groan who did not come close to the reasons you had have and are having. Thank you for being willing to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with us. This has helped us know how to pray and fulfilled the verse, "....bear ye one another's burdens...." One other thing, had you bottled all those feeings up, rather than letting them out, you might have been the patient.

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  16. Good for you, you really don't have to explain yourself to anyone in my opinion! To me if someone thinks its whinning then don't read it they have that option. Please are so quick to judge, let them walk a mile in your shoes and then let them criticize. Praying for you and your family that God will give you strength to get by!

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  17. Last night I dreamt that my daughter had cancer. In the dream, I thought of you and everything that Lucy has gone through. It was a terrifying dream which you live everyday! I have never thought of you as complaining or whining. You and your family are living through something awful and I think this is a great place for you to express just how you are feeling. Please, don't ever feel that you need to censor your feelings here. We are listening.

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  18. I love your family verse, a great one to adopt! And the paragraph after it, well, it sounds like you had a real light bulb moment, or as I prefer to call it a Holy Spirit moment. What a burden lifted for you, I'm sure! (It was for me, when the Holy Spirit revelaed this to me a few years back.)
    Your family is in my continued prayers.

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  19. As a stranger who follows your blog, I don't view your entries as whining or complaining ... pure honesty. There's nothing wrong with being honest. You're tired. And you know what -- you should be! You've been through the ringer and back (on several occasions) ... so, of course, you are tired. Many mom's are tired, and they don't have what you have going on. Look at all you do ... and through all of this you are creating a foundation!!!! You may be tired, and rightfully so, but you're also insanely awesome!!!!! I hope Jack is on the mend soon ... will be thinking of you all today! And thinking of Lucy as she tackles two full days of school, and of course, of big sister, Ella, who is just amazing!!!

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  20. I couldn't have said it any better. My thoughts exactly. Kate is a person whom I don't know but would love to meet. She has had so much to deal with and has never forgotten others. Kate this is YOUR blog and as others have said if they have an issue stop reading it. Their problems with others would be over. Thank you Kate for allowing others who want to follow to do so. Good Luck to your sweet little boy and Lucy. Ella is so sweet.

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  21. Oh Kate, it makes me cringe to think that you feel you need to apologize to us your loyal readers. I too look at your blog as a day in the life sort of deal and that includes all the regular things we all go through. It isn't whining and complaining it is simply stating the way it is. I look at it as if I don't like something you say than I don't have to read it (although I have never had to do that LOL). You have been through more than most of us will endure in a lifetime. I say write away and say whatever you feel as it comes to you. Never feel the need to apologize!
    Prayers to you and your family especially little Jack, I have adult asthma and can't imagine a poor little man like him dealing with it.

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  22. I love reading your blog and I don't think I have ever thought of it as whining, you are being honest about real family life and one that is extra hard at that. I know you are tired most of the time and you must be wonder woman at heart to keep up with all you do for your 3 children. I am the grandmother of a 1 yr old and a 7 yr old that I care for while their parents work and I am tired to and one of them is not sick like yours. I pray for Lucy and Jack and Ella in my prayers. I pay closer attention to fund raisers for St Jude now also. I wish I lived closer so I could do more or wish I had more to donate but I do what I can. Please keep up writing because you have inspired so many with this blog!!!!!

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  23. I would never classify anything on this blog as complaining. You are doing an amazing job documenting one of the (If not the hardest) journey of one sweet little girl. It's not a pretty path because cancer isn't pretty- you are telling the truth and documenting for yourself. I think you do amazing job detailing to us all what your life is right now- because even with that, you don't have to. You are an inspiration to us all. I really enjoying reading your words. I enjoy being able to see how Lucy is doing so amazing. She deserves it.

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  24. Hi,

    I have been reading your blog since right after Lucy's diagnosis. I simply cannot fathom what you and your family have gone through. Since this is your blog, I think you are entitled to write whatever is on your heart, mind and soul. Evidently, all of the people that commented before me feel the same way. Please keep writing your blog when you have time but don't let it control you. I too have a hard time saying no but I'm learning. Go with the calling God has placed on you and let the rest fall away.

    April-Jeremiah 29:11-14, most people forget those 3 verses that come after 11 but I hope you look them up if you don't know them already.






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  25. Don't apologize because you feel like you are whining. We read because we choose to read, and want to be here to support your family and say prayers for all of you. Hoping the dr. appt. goes well, and this coming week is better for Lucy. Lots of prayers for all of you!

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  26. praying for your family! i just signed up for the warrior dash in mississippi in april as a St. Jude Hero again, TEAM LUCY!!!(:

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  27. it's your blog. You can write WHATEVER the heck you want! No one knows what it's like to have a child with brain cancer and baby with asthma unless they've experienced it. Shame on them. I very much enjoy reading your blog. Continuing to pray for Lucy and the rest of your cute family. Praying things stay stable for her and improve for baby Jack!

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  28. Asthma is so scarey. I didn't develop it until aftet Katrina and breathed in all that mold. It has hospitalized me 11 times in 7 years, collapsed my lung and caused several bouts with pneumonia. I CANNOT IMAGINE it being one of my kids. Hang in there. Praying for Jack, Lucy, Ella and the rest of your family!!@

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  29. Kate, I have to agree with everyone else here. You are amazing in so much of what you do. As a mother of a medically compromised child, I hear validation in your words. Any mom in your shoes would feel the way you do. I know that I have had, at times, the same feelings. It's lovely and wonderful that you put yourself out here in public, bearing so much, and allow us to draw strength and encouragement from your family's story. One thing from this post did grab me hard, however. Ella being perfect. Please make sure that Ella is talking to you about her feelings. I also had a sibling that was sick when I was around her age and trying to be perfect became something I resented as I got older. She sounds just like you. Balls in the air and doing her best to keep them there. Just make sure she has a place to vent her feelings to also. And let her know she's perfect just being a little girl.

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  30. I haven't ever thought anything on your blog was whining, just honest feelings about major struggles in your lives. However, if you'd like to whine, you are more than entitled ! You are one strong lady, wife and Mom. We all tend to complain about foolish things---first word problems as my sons say. Never change how your blog is, I think you're great ! Sending happy thoughts and prayers.

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  31. Just a random stranger who thinks that you have no need to apologize.

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  32. My daughter Hannah asked about Lucy last week, and I have been meaning to check in over here. I am honestly not a regular follower, though we have a thank-you postcard on our fridge and think of your family often from across the state. Thank you for your honesty as you wrestle with the stuff of life and celebrate the small victories along with the big ones. I just noticed Hebrews 12:1 across your header... which struck me because God sent me to that passage today.. Yes, I think He is trying to tell me something, and He confirmed it with a simple verse on your blog.

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  33. And now I am craving some Rondezvous!

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