Some days it's just hard to move forward.
Today as I drove to Memphis for a special meeting at St. Jude I scolded myself for agreeing to be on a council that I honestly didn't have time for. It was a huge honor to be asked and not just anyone gets this distinction. Erik and I discussed it and we agreed it was the right thing to do. Still, this morning I was all but mad I had to go.
I want to shared with you the letter I wrote to the director when I got home:
" My daughter, Lucy, is the reason we came to St. Jude. She is 9 now and its been 4 years since her diagnosis. She has recently been having severe digestive issues and we have been struggling to get the answers we need. After seeing several doctors she has finally been diagnosed with GI migraines. The solution is a low dose of Amitriptyline.
Today during the pharmacy talk on the genetics program this very drug was discussed. As they were talking, my memory was searching through the past letters I had received from the study. When I got home I realized my hunches were correct. Lucy was one of the 16% percent who is considered an ultra-rapid metabolizer for the drug.
If I had not been there today I would have never remembered to check the letters that had been sent to me. She would have been taking medicine that was ineffective and still suffering through the migraines....."
I know it might not seem like much but this God whisper, this God affirming interaction, reassured me that God will continue to sustain me on even the hardest of days. I needed to be reminded that my life will never fit the normal ideal of a stay-at-home mom. My job description is different than I ever imagined it would be. Whether its splitting my time between XC matches, soccer games and swim meets or going to meetings at the hospital where I hear about future protocols that may one day save Lucy's life.
That incredibly busy day yesterday saw two amazing moments that I have to share. First, Lucy participated in her first golf match. She had so much fun and even asked to go back today. It's such a wonderful gift watching her play. She's not the strongest on the course but she is steady and consistent. Besides, she's super cute in her little skirt.
At the same time (thank goodness for grandparents), an hour away, Ella was setting personal bests at her XC meet. She placed 14th (adjusted time accounted last night) out of 160. I was so nervous before she ran I almost got sick. When she runs I thank God for the health legs and lungs she was given.
Although I am going to bed tonight with a tired body I am sure to wake up with a renewed spirit. I was brought out of a dark place today I am very thankful. Had I not listened and been willing to step out in faith I would have missed a very important revelation. Sometimes our moments and days may not make sense but I choose to believe they are all necessary pieces of an amazing puzzle God is creating with our lives.