2.01.2012

Yesterday


Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life.  I haven't cried as hard and as long as I did yesterday since the first days of Lucy's diagnosis.  I watched as Kristie and Jerry laid their precious baby boy to rest.  The hurt I felt for her was so intense that even now I can hardly breathe.  I cried until I almost hyperventilated. And this wasn't even my child. 

When I walked into the funeral home I saw Kristie at the front of the room.  Standing by her son's casket, holding her head high.  She was being so strong.  But when our eyes met my knees got weak and I couldn't make my legs move.  As I stumbled up the aisle to go to Kristie, the depth of our friendship was truly revealed as we fell into each others arms and cried.  No, not cried.  We wailed.  And for the rest of the day I cried.  And she was so strong.  For so many weeks I have told her I wish I could carry her burden for even one day.  I wonder if maybe yesterday God didn't allow me to do it in some tiny way.  Because what I felt yesterday was unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life.  I will never be able to put it into words. 

Kristie and Jerry were both filled with the inexplicable peace that we have all been praying God would send their way.  She told me that she couldn't explain it, but that she was at peace knowing her Son was in heaven.  Don't get me wrong, she grieved yesterday.  But she was so strong. 

And I wasn't.  I'm still not.  I have cried many times today thinking about her and him and Jerry.  This morning I realized that amidst the tears of mourning I was crying tears of fear.  The kind of fear that squeezes the very breathe out of you.  I watched my friend say goodbye to her child and knew that it could be me one day. 

After the funeral and graveside, Kristie invited me and Charlie (the dear friend who attended with me) over to her home.  We spent roughly 2 hours there visiting with this precious family who we have come to love to greatly.  Kristie told me about Justin's last days, his last breaths and his last moments in their home.  I stood in amazement as she spoke so calmly and bravely.  She was so strong. 

I was not.  I told her that every night I wake up 3-4 times to go see if Lucy is breathing.  I have nightmares about the "what ifs."  Visions of losing my child run through my head like some sick movie reel and I can't seem to make it stop.  I told her that there was no way I could ever let them take my child from my home.  The very thought of not ever touching her again, or stroking her beautiful bald head or kissing her soft skin was more than I could bare.  And how in the world do you ever let them be put in the ground.  I couldn't do it.  I just don't think that there is any way I could say goodbye to my child.  Kristie was so strong.  I was not.  I am not.

I realize as I write that some days my faith is so small.  Today it is small.  Today I am weak.

I would ask that you continue to pray for Kristie and Jerry.  Their journey towards healing has not even begun yet.  I can't imagine how one would even begin.  They are very blessed to be surrounded by both of their families and the outpouring of love from their community was inspiring.  But nothing will replace their sweet Justin.  Nothing.  One particular prayer I ask you to remember is for God to fill their minds with the happy memories of Justin.  Kristie particularly asked that you pray that God would totally erase the vision she has of her son taking his last breath.  I can promise you it was nothing like what you see on TV.  It was truly more than any mother or father should EVER have to witness.  Please, please pray for this family. 

My life was changed forever when Lucy was diagnosed with cancer.  For the worse in many ways, but for the better in many other ways.  Meeting this wonderful family is a true blessing that has come from this nightmare.  My life with them in it is fuller and has more meaning.  They will be a part of our family story forever.  It is a true honor to call them friends. 

This picture was framed and displayed at Justin's funeral. 


Before I left Kristie's house Jerry told me that when he looked at this picture, he prayed that with that touch, Justin absorbed all of Lucy's cancer and took it to heaven with him.  Those words are burned into the very core of my heart and I will never forget the noble, righteous man who was able to pray for my daughter in the midst of his greatest dispair. 

I love you Kristie and I love you Jerry.  May God bring you rest and peace that defies all human understanding.

post signature
(many of you have asked for Kristie's Caring bridge address.  She did give me permission to let you have it, but I am choosing not to put it on this site.  I have a blog follower who likes to leave very hurtful and evil comments for me.  I can handle it.  It doesn't even phase me.  But Kristie, she can't take it.  And I know that this person is so evil to their very core that he/she would leave ugly comments for her.  And I'm just not going to take that chance.  So...if you want to send me an email and I can verify that you are not the evil one, then I would be glad to share her site so that you can leave her wells wishes and prayers.)

100 comments:

  1. I am a lurker and I have to come out and say that I am horrified that someone would leave you those kinds of comments, I can't even begin to imagine why someone would so something so hateful. Please know you have strangers everywhere praying for you all.

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    1. Another fellow lurker, and I am horrified that someone would leave comments like that too.

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    2. Same here. So sad that someone would do that.

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  2. I am so so sorry, I am praying for this precious family and you and your sweet family right now. I can only imagine how seeing you helped her get through the worst day she could imagine.
    Praying,
    Suzanne and Clay Culpepper

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  3. Hi, I'm not sure what your email is, so I'm hoping that this comment will show up in your email and you can just reply there. I would love to send Kristie a message, my heart hurts so badly for her. My dad died from cancer so I know the pain, but from a different perspective. If you could give me her CaringBridge, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

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  4. That is so hard. Thank you for sharing. And that just completely breaks my heart for you that someone would leave hurtful comments. That is just not right.

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  5. Oh Kate, how my heart hurts for Kristie, Gerry and...for you. You know only too well a bit of the hurt they are carrying.

    Today dear friend as you stand beside your friend, we lift you up in prayer too. Asking God to calm you, bring you peace and strength in this time of deep despair.

    Blessings, Catherine

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  6. OOHH KATE....How AWFUL to have to face what you are facing, saying good-bye to a little boy you fell in love with & then to have some idiot become so cruel towards you is so upsetting. No mother should ever have to deal with just a cruel person, let alone a mother who's child is so ill. I'm sorry you even have to go through such a horrible thing!!

    I do agree with you, Kristie is strong and gracious. I have been following her on the caringbridge & I am in awe of her courage. I will pray for her strength & peace as much as I will pray for yours.

    Please give Miss Lucy a HUGE hug from this Stranger Friend & reminder how loved her & her family are!!!

    With Friendship....
    Jenn

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  7. I will be praying for Justin's parents and family and for you and your family.

    I cannot believe someone would leave you nasty comments! I will pray for this person that they will apologize and then leave you alone.

    Lifting you up,
    <><

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  8. Praying for this sweet family. What a touching story.

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  9. DELRUKING to say that it makes me sick to think someone would ever leave anyone a hurtful message. Makes me sick. Bless you and your entire family! XO

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  10. I have been grieving for you during this process. I say process because it brings back vivid memories the day my mother died of a massive heart attack when I was 16. I had to call my grandmother about the passing of her eldest daughter whose life ended abruptly at age 47. My grandmother was never the same. With the loving support of friends and family the days and years went by but the loss of a child--at any age--is so filled with anguish that I have wondered if any God can help us through. Life becomes easier but it is so important to keep all the memories of one's life alive--all the great times. I am deeply moved by your post and my heart goes out to this family. My thoughts are with you. I am so sorry all of you have to go through this.

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  11. Oh my! I have no words! My heart is just twisted so tight right now. I am soo sorry for all of you. No mother should ever have to witness her child's last breath or being so awfully ill. I am so sorry. I have been praying, and will continue to do so. As for the hateful troll, I am praying that he/she goes away. From NC, Lauri

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  12. Praying for Lucy and sweet Justin's family. Thankful that he is cancer free and home with Jesus!

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  13. Praying for Kristie and Jerry and all of their family....

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  14. I just can't even imagine loosing a child. My heart hurts.
    His family will remain in my prayers. I am also praying that you will continue to stay strong and hold on to our heavenly fathers loving hand.
    Love Yall

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  15. I also do not know your email but would love to message her.

    Kate...I have been reading Lucy's story for a long time. I check every single day for updates. You are so incredibly amazing. Your post just now has made me sob. I almost cant even breathe. That is all I can even say. Although we have never met, I love you and your family. You are in my daily prayers.

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  16. I'm so very sorry for the loss of Justin and for the battle you guys are fighting w/ Lucy. I have to tell you, you don't know me, but I've been following your family for quite some time now and I pray for you, your family, and your sweet Lucy on a daily basis. I will also, add Justin's family to my daily prayers!!! I love your blog and I hope you find some sort of peace w/ all this you guys are dealing with, I can't even imagine what you are dealing with, but one thing I do know...when I see pictures of Lucy all I can do is smile, b/c she is such a cute little girl (all 3 of your children are too cute).....God Bless and continue prayers your way for your family!!!!

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  17. My heart is breaking for sweet Justin's family. They are in my thoughts and prayers, as are you and your precious family. I feel helpless as I write this, wanting to do something, but have no idea what to do. I am praying and the Lord hears our prayers!
    God bless you, Kelley

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  18. I've been reading your blog since Lucy was diagnosed. I comment rarely, but I pray for Lucy and your family (and the others you ask us to pray for) daily. I read this post with tears steaming down my face. Until I came to the part about the evil commenter. Then my tears turned to anger. I will NEVER understand why people feel compelled to leave hurtful comments. If they don't like your blog, I have a simple solution for them... don't read it!! It really bugs me that you're unable to share information on your blog that could help another person because of the evil comments. God bless their family as they mourn the loss of their son.

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  19. Kate,
    I've been following your blog and praying for Lucy for the past year and just wanted to say that I'll be praying for Kristie and her family. Even as I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I pray that the Lord will carry them and hold them close during this day and in those to come. And specifically, that He will fill their hearts and minds with happy memories of their precious boy. Prayers and hugs to you, too.

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  20. I would love to have her Caring Bridge address. I haven't lost a child, but I did hold my mom as she took her last breath after a 4 month battle with Brain Cancer. It is devastating.

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  21. Wow..the words that Justin's father said to you about that photo was the last straw. :( What an incredibly special man, and I know Kristie must be as well.
    I cannot imagine the pain this family must be feeling, (and you as well. Your posts scare ME. I find myself weeping for Lucy, but also for the "what ifs" when it comes to my little girl. She is healthy, but your blog has made it known that it can change in an instant. I think when we hear such tragedy and loss, as mothers, we can't help but to put ourselves in that position, and we truly feel the pain, even if we haven't met the people "in real life".
    Kristie's prayer request broke my heart, but I promise I will pray for them daily, as well as your family.
    I am so sorry for all of the hurt.
    and on a different note, I cannot IMAGINE anyone leaving a nasty comment EVER! That person should be so ashamed!!!!!
    Love from Arizona-
    Lisa

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  22. I cannot imagine what Kristie is going through, I would like to send her a message but, I don't know your email. I cannot imagine why someone would say hurtful things to a family going through what yours is going through. I will be praying for Kristie and Jerry as well as your family.
    God Bless,
    Kay

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  23. Kate this story broke my heart. I couldn't imagine your fear throughout all of this. Remember Lucy is getting better and for that take a fresh breath. I am praying that the imagine is released from Kristie's mind because that really isn't something she wants to see replayed over and over again, I can appreciate that. I'd love her caringbridge site so I can leave her a message of love. Please email it to me if you so feel compelled to. :) Meg

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  24. I am still praying for you. I can't imagine the fear that you must feel. I can't imagine how Kristie and Jerry must feel. Or how Lucy must feel after Justin went to Heaven. But know that we are praying. Many of us, hundreds, from all over the country that have never met you and most likely, never will. The only words I can think to share right now are two of my favorite from the Bible. "But God". We see situations like this as far too great to handle, BUT GOD is in control. BUT GOD makes ALL things work together for our good and for His glory. BUT GOD will set all things right in their time.

    Love you and am praying for you!

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  25. I cried as I read this post. You may not feel strong but the way I see it you are the strongest person alive for just continuing getting out of bed, putting on a brave face, enduring months of unbelievable heartache as you watched sweet Lucy suffer. I pray for her recovery every night and I have been praying for Justin as well.

    You and your family are an true inspiration to me, I never imagined that when I stumbled upon your blog it would change my life so drastically. Whenever I am feeling sick or upset I just think of Lucy and all that she had to endure. My suffering is nothing compared to hers and yours.

    Please don't lose faith or hope, God carries us through our hardest struggles. I know He is with you always and you have truly shone that you depend on Him and trust in Him in all times. This is such a beautiful example to me.

    Thank you

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  26. My heart breaks for you, I also believe that God did let you carry a small bit of Kristie's burden that day. I need to tell you that your faith has been a large part of me returning to my own. I will pray for you and spcifically for Kristie to have that vision of her son fully gone from her memory. Bless you.

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  27. I will pray the Lord comfort your friends, erase all bad memories, & fill their minds with visions of there sweet boy healthy & happy ~Psalm 34:18~ I will continue to pray for you to have sweet dreams, Kate & hope you may get the much needed rest you deserve & I will pray for the evil one as well.

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  28. I have left a few comments and I pray for your family daily..my heart breaks for your friend. As a mother I can not imagine what you are going through or what your friend is going through. WE ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO BURY OUR CHILDREN!!!
    I pray they find the peace they need and please know we are all praying for you and them!!
    I am sooo sorry someone is leaving hatefull comments...this just SHOCKS me!!
    Hugs

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  29. I read you every day and I am with Andrea, how could someone be so evil?? I have been praying for Justin's family (and your's of course) but will pray and pray and pray more. I can't imagine.

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  30. Some people don't have anything better to do with their time than harass those who chose to share some of the hardest moments of thier life. Pay them no attention Kate. Like water rolls off of a duck, that's how much those comments mean. The ones that truely care about your family would never be that mean-spirited.
    I would too like to have her CaringBridge site to send her my condolences.

    ~Kylee~

    P.S. That is a very nice picture of Lucy and Justin. I'm sure she will cherish it as she grows up. :)

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  31. Praying for this sweet family (and yours as well!) What words from that Daddy to you concerning the photo! It totally took my breath away! And what a precious thing to pass on to Lucy!! God, give them your perfect peace today and in the long months to come!

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  32. First, please know that I am praying for Lucy and your whole family. I will also be praying for your dear friends who lost their precious son. My heart breaks for them.

    Second, I am horrified that someone would leave evil messages on your blog! Shame on them.

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  33. I am a horrified lurker as well. I can't fathom. :( Truly can't fathom. Praying for Justin's entire family as well as yours and sorry any of you have to deal with that.

    Hope

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  34. I was hoping you would add a picture of Justin. I could tell you were hurting, by the silence of your blog. I kept hoping for an update. Now as I write this through tears, there are no words. Just horrible pain. We are human so, I guess that is normal. We have to be strong or the weakness just devours us. You are much more strong than you realize. WE all see it. Prayers coming your way and to the evil one to one day know the difference. Lori

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  35. Kate my heart hurts for you! I am praying for Lucy.... Your family.... You and Justin's mom dad and family!!!!! I feel heavy today please know Lucy is on my mind and in my every prayer!
    Marsha Lowe

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  36. You are so strong. In fact, sometimes I start to read your latest posting and just can't. I just can't face what you are writing about, can't even stand to read it or wrap my mind around all of it. That's not strong. You are so strong. What a witness you are to those of who follow your story. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will continue to lift up you, Lucy, your family, and now your dear friends to our Heavenly Father.

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  37. Wow, what a profound thing for Jerry to say in the midst of his grief. I pray that he's right and that all of Lucy's cancer was taken with that touch.

    If you could reply to my comment by email, I'd love the address.

    Praying for your family and Justin's.

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  38. I'm not sure how I came upon your blog, but I have read your words since early summer '11. I have prayed that Ms Lucy heals soon!

    Hope you & the parents of Justin can have peace in your hearts soon (even at such a hard time in your life).

    (I don't know how someone can post such horrible words to you. Are you able to block them from posting??)

    Rach - From Iowa.

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  39. I am weeping and cannot stop. I don't even know what to say. I am so touched and so thankful that you are here sharing such real, and raw....LIFE!!!!! You make me a better mother. As for the "evil one" vengence is the Lord's....but I would not object if He sent me on a mission to egg their house.

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  40. The cruel person that leaves the man notes will get what they deserve on judgement day.

    As for you, I wish I could hug you and Kristie. I have not dealt with cancer in a child, we in this house deal with congenital heart defects. David is two weeks out from his last open heart surgery.

    I pray for you.

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  41. You are an amazing person and I appreciate your honesty. I'm sorry some people leave hurtful comments to you. I will be lifting up this family and continue to pray for you all as well!

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  42. Please tell your friend Kristie that a therapy called EMDR works wonderfully for removing memories like she has of her son taking his last breath. It's non-intrusive and very short term (3-4 visits). If you google EMDR and posttraumatic stress you should be able to find a website that lists trained providers in her area.

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    1. I have also used EMDR therapy in the past to help process and desensitize me to some very traumatic events in my life. It will not erase the memory but it can speed the brain's processing and "filing away" of that memory until one is able to recall it without reliving it. It doesn't take away the pain but it does make it bearable. I recommend it highly for anyone who has experienced traumatic events & memories.

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  43. Kate
    I am also a "Lurker" who has followed your family's story from the beginning. I have 2 girls about Lucy & Ella's age & I was diagnosed 4 weeks ago with cancer so your story is exponentially more inspiring now. I would love to read Kristi & Jerry's story. Let me know how to contact you.

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  44. Kate, I came here via a link from a friend. My seven year old daughter also fought cancer, 5 years ago. Just weeks after she was diagnosed we lost our first little friend. I remember going to his funeral with another friend whose son was also fighting. After it was over I told my friend that we could NEVER go through that for Kennedy or Charlie. Oh how Kennedy loved Charlie... his name was one of her first words. They played together on the myelosuppression wing... they looked for each other and Kennedy danced while he played his guitar. A few weeks later, while we were inpatient, another friend woke me up and told me that Charlie died over night... very unexpectedly. Like you, I have NEVER felt pain like I did that day. We helped the nurses box up all Charlie's things... we watched his parents, our friends, stand there in shock. The rest of us just felt helpless and hopeless. I've never cried so hard or mourned so deep.

    Later that day, Kennedy was on her little push car and rode into Charlie's room calling out his name, wondering where he was... she looked all over. She was too young to understand what happened to her friend, but she knew he was gone.

    OH how I hate childhood cancer. Kennedy is 7 now and doing well, but I've been to more funerals for children than I can even count. It's not fair.

    I will be praying for Kristie and Jerry as they start to live their new normal. And I will be praying for you and Lucy. I don't even know you, but you're part of our childhood cancer family and I wish I could give you a big hug. Thanks for blogging despite the haters... never let them win.

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  45. I came across your blog from another blog I follow and I wanted to let you know I am praying for Lucy and your family along with Justin's family.

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  46. My heart breaks for Kristie, sounds like she is being so very strong. Absolutely praying for them! She is so lucky to have such an amazing friend like you!

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  47. Kate, I have been following your families journey for a while but this is my first time commenting. You are such an inspiration, you are going through something that rocks a person to the core with your own child and also with all of the ones you have met on this journey all while trying to keep life as normal as possible for your family. You have shown so much to those of us who read about every day life, the highs and lows, your faith amazes me.

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  48. I am hoping that you can provide me with Kristie's caringbridge website address, so I can send her a message. I have been following Lucy's journey and I feel like I know your family. I pray for Lucy and your family every night.

    Stephanie

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  49. I can't believe that ANYONE would ever leave you hurtful or nasty messages...that is terrible. I'm praying for your family always and now Kristie and her sweet family as well!

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  50. Dear Kate,

    I don't think your faith is small at all. The fear that you are experiencing is exactly what any other parent would feel if they had to walk in your shoes. Wanting so very badly for your child to live and to be healthy doesn't mean you don't have enough faith. It just means you are human. God understands that. You are showing the whole world that despite the nightmare you and your family are living right now, you are choosing God, you are choosing to live your lives as Christians, and you are teaching your children to live by His word even when times are extremely tough. Having faith doesn't mean not being scared or hurt or angry. It means believing in God and loving God despite all of that - and you do that so graciously.
    I am so very sorry about the hurt and pain your friends Kristie and Jerry are going through right now. I will keep them in my prayers, just like I will keep you in my prayers. Bless you for keeping Kristie and Jerry from getting any hurtful messages from sick people.

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  51. Praying for Justin's family and that God will replace all of the difficult images of his pain and suffering with wonderful memories of happy times. I also continue to pray for your family as Lucy heals and as you mourn the loss of your friend. It is also my prayer that God touches the heart of this person who is being so callous and hurtful and that they will either change their ways or simply leave you alone. God Bless you all!

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  52. I am so sorry for the pain that you and Kristie are feeling. I remember with stark clarity the lunch I had with a dear friend where I was a fairly new widow and she was just realizing that her husband did not have a lot of time left. I was so aware that I was exactly where she did not want to be.

    I pray that both families will feel God's unfailing love in many little ways as you walk this very difficult path. (And please pass along my prayers and wishes for healing to Kristie and Jerry - I can't imagine what it must be like to have a cruel stalker on your blog.)

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  53. I am so sorry to hear this. I am sorry for your pain, your hurt, the disappointment that you must feel when you read any kind of negative comments. You are an amazing woman, mother, wife and friend. I am deeply troubled that anyone would say anything mean or cruel to you or about you or your family. I will continue to pray for complete healing for Lucy, and for peace for you and your family. I am so sorry! I pray that whoever it is that is saying mean things, I pray for healing of their heart as well.

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  54. My heart goes out to you and to Kristie. My nephew, Josiah, was diagnosed with leukemia at 5. My eyes well up when I read your posts and look at Justin's pictures.

    I truly believe that The Lord gives us what we need when we need it, not before. You don't need all that Christie does right now. So He is cradling her in His arms in a different way. I can't imagine what you mean to her right now. To have someone that loves her and that understands and that cries with her. You are such a gift to her right now.

    I will pray for all of you.

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  55. Kate, I'd love to see the site for Justin and include their family in my prayers. Thankfully, my kids haven't been diagnosed with anything near what your families have gone through but this is absolutely my greatest fear and it grips me like nothing I've ever known. Even on your "weak" days you're an enormously strong woman and mother. I admire your strength, your courage, your faith and your tenacity to love others. Many prayers being sent your way and Justin's family's way.

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  56. Kate,
    I am so very sorry that someone would choose to be so hateful to you on your blog. I pray that the evil will stop in the precious name of Jesus!
    Thank you for sharing Justin's story with the rest of us over these past few months. I told my son, who's six, about Justin's passing away, and I could see him holding back tears. We don't know you all or Justin's family, but we have prayed for every person ever mentioned on your blog repeatedly. Justin's parents sound amazing. Please tell them that your blog people love them, and they will continue to be in our prayers (as will as your family).

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  57. Having an evil commenter who feels they can say mean, hurtful, evil things to you makes me so angry. You are transparent and loving and you are a mom, trying with every fiber of your being to be strong for Lucy and your entire family. You are carrying a burden few will ever know. How dare someone think they have any right to judge you or to be mean. How dare they think they "know better" or can act superior. Oh, I am angry. I am so sorry for you. And, I am crying looking at the picture and thinking of what Justin's dad said....the touch...taking the cancer to heaven.....amazing. I held my husband, at age 24, in my arms as he took his final breaths and died of cancer. It was not my child and I am not comparing.....just saying that your words ring true and clear. I am so sorry for Kristie and Jerry and their entire family. Sending prayers for all of them/you. Hugs.

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  58. I cried as I read this post. And felt sick to my stomach. I really don't have words, other that to say that I'm so sorry for all that you and your sweet friends have suffered. Cancer is terrible, and it's so hard to understand why/how children have to suffer like this. I'm praying for their family and for yours too! One thing that really struck me about this post is how incredible it is that a grieving father thought of another. WOW - that is Christ! Praying, praying, Jennifer

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  59. I stopped mid post at the place where you asked for prayers that Kristie and Jerry would be spared memories of their precious boys last moments on earth. I prayed to Mother Mary who I firmly believe holds and cares for Justin until his parents none him forever. And theN I prayed for Lucy.

    I also wanted to say how sorry I am that someone has chosen to hurt you via this space. Your personal and private space for your Lucy and your family. I am so so sorry.

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  60. After reading your post, I just want to say that I am sorry that someone would be so thoughtless. There are just some people who have no ability to sympathize or empathize with anyone else. Just ignore that mean-spirited commentator.

    I witnessed my mother's death from cancer and had to deal with the not so pleasant memories. Please let Kristie know that with time the memory will be replaced by the happier memories. You will never totally forget the images, but they will no longer be the focus. It helped me to talk about it with other people who were understanding. Having a strong faith also allowed me to be able to find comfort in knowing that there is no suffering in heaven.

    Catherine

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  61. These two children melt my heart...in their eyes is such wisdom and depth...They are true angels both in heaven and on earth....Blessings to all of you.
    Jerry's touching prayer was one of the most honorable and beautiful things I have ever heard... you are all so blessed to have each to support each other....
    Thank you for sharing your story...for making me a better mom just by reading your life's journey....since I have found your blog I love a little deeper...cuddle a little longer and try to savour the little moments with my children more than I ever did before....
    You have blessed my life by sharing in yours, I am a better mom because of you Thank you ....Lucy and all of you are in my prayers always....

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  62. Oh my...my heart breaks for this family! I lost my brother when he was 14 to brain cancer. My wish is no child or family ever has to hear the words...cancer! I do Relay for Life in hopes that it will fund some research in finding a cure...my dream!!!

    It makes me sick to think anyone thinks they have a right to prey on a family going thru something like this. I can't even imagine the evil that must be this person to do such a thing. They need prayer!

    Heather in Indiana

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  63. I'm really sorry to hear you've had those kinds of comments. If you have their IP address, there ought to be a way for you to ban them from visiting your site (and from seeing the CaringBridge link). :)

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  64. OH Kate, This post is so sad and hard to even comment to in so many ways. I imagine you are wondering if there are enough prayers out there that can get your family through this. You are a strong woman, Please don't feel like you aren't because you are grieving. What you have been through already is more than any parent should ever have to go through and then to have to watch a dear friend and their family go through it is more than anyone can/should have to handle. I am sure that you were grieving for them and also for all the days that you have had to wear that brave face that you didn't want to wear at those times. Then to have an evil person who just loves to treat others like no one should ever be treated it just WRONG. Please don't allow this person to bring you down, I know that you said that you can handle it but people like that still get under your skin. It shows what an amazing friend you are to not put the information on here so the person can continue their evil ways on another family. There are so many of your blogger friends that are here praying and sending your family well wishes.

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  65. I would like to get her caringbridge site also. And as far as your heartless blog follower is there a way to block her from your page. NO ONE should have to read or listen to someone that is so spitefull. Will continue to pray for Kristie and her family but will also pray for you and your family a little harder for you to have peace.

    Pepper Glenn

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  66. Both of your families are in our prayers. We lost a nephew 5 years ago to cancer, and reading this post brought me back to that day. So sorry for what you went through, We understand how painful it is. Praying that God will be with both of your families and watch over you. Extra prayers for little Lucy- what a beautiful little girl!

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  67. Tears running down my face. I am so sorry - for Christie and Jerry, for you and your family with your fears. Praying for all of you that God helps you in your journeys and gives you the strength you need. Take care.

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  68. For the past three days I've been painfully thinking about Justin's family and thinking about you all. This has to be a shake to the core for you all. I don't know how you begin to discuss this with Lucy and move forward, but everyone involved will certainly be in the prayers of my family.

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  69. Prayers headed for this precious family and their heart breaking loss. That we live in a world where people would add unkindness to this type of hurt makes me so sad. I am adding my prayers that Justin took all that cancer away. What a friend! What a glorious day Justin will have today!

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  70. I too am completely horrified that anyone would leave evil comments. I am not a blogger so I don't have a blogger name - but my name is Diane. I lost my son 19 years ago to SIDS. I have had many hurtful comments made - and at times felt as if I was being accused of doing something to cause his death so I in a very tiny way understand. I am so sorry for you and comment you for not putting Kristie's address on here. I will be praying for her and her family as well as you and your family. Sending you love as a sister in Christ.

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  71. My prayers are with you and with Justin's parents. I am still in tears as I write this as you were so vulnerable with all of us in how you are hurting. Friends of ours lost their son last fall and they were truly just like Justin's parents. I believe God gives an extra amount of grace of mercy at times like this. We pray for Lucy and her whole family.
    In Christian Love,
    A Grandma

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  72. Kate, We have been praying for Justin and his family. I pray for peace and comfort during this time and forever.

    Btw, I am sorry that someone sends you "hate mail". Truthfully, I can't imagine it and I am sorry you have to deal with it. I wish there was some way one of your loyal readers could take that pain for you

    Thinking and praying for you
    Keri

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  73. I read your blog, every entry and I pray for Lucy everyday. I have also been holding Justin's family in my heart. Your entry today was so moving. I hope that you will go a little easy on yourself. Your faith is not weak by any standard. You saw something yesterday that shook you to your core. You knew going there would be incredibly hard as you were having to witness something you have great fear of. You went anyway to grieve and love and be a witness for God's love and mercy. Many people would have said I can not go, you certainly many good excuses why a trip up to knoxville I believe it was would be too difficult. You went any way because you knew God would give you what you needed to go and be a friend and a witness.
    I will keep you all in my prayers...
    Megan Warr

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  74. I have been following your blog for a while. My heart breaks to read that Justin passed on and the struggle that your family and his family are dealing with. I have been praying for Lucy every day and I have been praying for Justin and his family. I can't imagine the fear this brings you. As someone who has been affected by cancer, my mom passed away from lung cancer, you realize how REAL it is. When you know someone who has passed on from this horrible disease, you realize how real that is too.
    I am an unknown person to you, but you have affected me in ways that not even people I know could. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Sometimes it is what people need to read about to put things in perspective. For some people dealing with cancer, it helps to have someone to relate too. God bless you and your family. Mandy

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  75. Kate-Please remember that people throw rocks and things that shine. You are definately a shining light in a very dark place. I ask God to envelop your family in his Loving arms and that the people that have a hardened heart and a blind eye may also feel His love in their lives today. He is the only way we can make it through ALL evil. Thank you for writing your posts through such an excruciating experience. You are a blessing to many! I look forward to meeting you one day in Heaven. Christine Belk

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  76. Oh Kate, what a difficult time. While I have not been in your shoes I imagine I would react just as you are. I hope your heart gets light again with time. I'll be praying for all of the families touched by the loss of Justin today. I know Lucy must also feel heartbroken and scared. Its almost too much to bear.

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  77. The comment by Jerry that he prayed Justin's touch absorbed all of Lucy's cancer and took it to heaven with him is truly one of the most amazing, touching things I've ever heard. I don't understand much, but I'm sure your two families were meant to meet and become friends. The pain of losing a child is unfathomable to me. Yet you can see how much faith is helping Justin's family now. Also, Kate, you're much stonger than you think!

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  78. Oh what a precious prayer for your sweet Lucy. I pray for that sweet family that their peace would pass ALL understanding and that God would wrap his loving arms around them.

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  79. I have been reading your blog religously for about a year now and I pray for you often. I cannot even pretend to imagine the pain your daughter has endured and the stress and fear that you must live with. I know that we serve and loving God and that Lucy must have a powerful destiny that the devil would try so hard to take her out! Praying for her everyday! May I please have the Caring Bridge site so I may send a loving message to Kristie...

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  80. I know of the pain that Kristie feels, because I laid my son to rest last year. Prayers going out to her family.

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  81. Kate, I have been praying for your family for awhile now and wanted you to know that I am so sorry for what you are going through. You say you are not strong, but you are. You went to your friends and ministered to them with no thought of now you would be affected. You chose to face your own worst nightmare to be there for your friends anyway. That is true strength and courage.

    Please pass along my thoughts and prayers for Kristie and Jerry. I have prayed for Justin since you first asked your readers to and will continue to hold his family in prayer. I will most definitely pray that God will magnify all the happy memories for them so that the harder ones pale in comparison.

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  82. Kate,
    I will that pray God replaces Kristie's painful image of Justin with one of joy. God answered that same prayer for me when a dear friend died suddenly. Justin is at peace, with Jesus.

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  83. Kate,
    I have been following your blog for quite some time now and have prayed for your family. Once I was introduced to Justin from your blog, I began to follow their caringbridge site. My heart hurts for this sweet family and I have been lifting them up to the ultimate Healer. As Kristie says, He has gained, not lost! It is just hard for us to grasp this because of our humanness. My sister was diagnosed in August with a Stage IV Glioblastoma. She had it removed on September 12th and considering all things is doing very well. To walk this journey as a mother, sister, friend, etc... is very challenging to say the least. To know that someone is leaving comments that are even slightly less than encouraging saddens my heart. It is hard for me to pray for my enemies and that is something I work on constantly. I am going to pray for this person, that Christ would soften their heart and that they would see His love. I can hardly form my words, I am so frustrated. I have never commented before, but I had to let you know that even though I don't know you, I admire you. I admire the way you are choosing to raise your children, I admire the way you have handled your daughter's diagnosis, and I admire the way you love your husband! Keep up the good fight and know that there are those of us who are encouraged by you!!! With love,
    Beth
    P.S. Sorry...I didn't know how to email you!!!

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  84. Also, check this link out for encouragment through song. This has been our families constant reminder as we walk through her battle with brain cancer!!!
    God You are God on YouTube
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bk5iRcphWY

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  85. Many Many prayers for this special family through a time I cannot fathom. Only God can hold them up and bring them through and their faith is humbling. God bless you sweet Kate as you carry their burden and yours at this time. My mother's heart breaks for yours.
    I am so disturbed that someone leaves evil messages for you. May God use your faith to somehow break through the apparent evil casing surrounding their soul. You never know when your words of faith will come back to them and you may not know until you get to Heaven that you had something to do with bringing them to God, for that is the only way this type of evil will ever be changed.
    Stay strong in your faith and YES you are strong even when you feel the weakest.
    God Bless,
    Joan Hanks

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  86. I too pray that Justin took all of Lucy's cancer with him. I pray for his parent's and that the last breath is completely overwhelmed by all the happy memories. I pray that God grants you all peace that goes beyond understanding and that God will bless you in ways I don't even know how to pray for.I hope that you are strengthened knowing that you have blessed my life and the lives of so many of us who lurk and pray for little Lucy. Thank you for being a part of God's plan to strengthen my faith in Him.

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  87. This post brought me to sobbing tears!! My heart breaks for your friend's family and everything they are going through. I shared your post on a link on my facebook page to ask for prayers and to tell them to really enjoy your family and kids, because things can always change in a blink of an eye. Thank you for sharing!! Still praying for Lucy!!

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  88. Kate,

    I have been a reader for awhile now and never posted, but it makes my heart ache that someone would dare send you hate mail. Just know there are lots of us out there reading and praying along with you. You have touched more people than you will ever know!

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  89. I am totally De-lurking too, I can't imagine what would possess someone to leave awful comments for you. Makes me sick! Such a tragedy about sweet Justin, and my prayers are with you guys every day! Sweet Lucy!

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  90. Sorry to hear of your friends death. I think you are a wonderful friend to be able to be there with Kristie through this hard time. I am sorry someone has the gull to write mean and hateful things to you. Next time you get one you should contact blogspot. All emails can be traced and you should be able to block it somehow. Thank you for sharing your journey and your faith with us. A lot of people go private when they get mean people but you lift us up even in your darkest hours. Hang in there. I pray peace for Justin's family and also yours and Lucy's continued health.

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  91. Your honesty is compelling, your strength is amazing. Blessings to your family.
    ~ Allison

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  92. When I first discovered this blog in October I cried...hard. This is the first time since then that I have cried. This made my heart heavy and sad.
    I can't even imagine the type of pain and sorrow cancer brings to your lives.
    Although I have never met your family, I think of your family often. I want so badly for Lucy to recover.

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  93. When I hear that someone has the nerve to leave you hurtful messages.... it just makes me want to say some very un-Christ-like things at them. You are a strong woman. Someday they will have to answer to our Heavenly Father for their horrible attempt to tear you down. I am so sorry that someone is so heartless.
    Praying for this sweet family at this time, as well as for you and your family!!!! You are a true inspiration to me!

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  94. p.s. is there a way to contact blogger to block this person??

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  95. It is evident that you love your children so much - you are a great Mom. May our Father in Heaven give you the strength you need each day - through both good and bad days.
    Caroline

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  96. That is soo very sad! May God have mercy on them and their evil doings. You are such a strong woman and such and inspiration to me!

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  97. Oh! My how my heart aches for your friends' loss. I cannot imagine having to say goodbye to my child. God bless them so! I know they lean on our heavenly Father, but I know they hurt. That sort of pain can blindside you. I shall pray for these sweet people, as I do your lovely Lucy and each of your family members. God's loving hand is upon you everyone. Thanks for sharing your feelings with us.

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