First Trimester Musings

I am utterly exhausted.



Really. I am.



I try to nap when I can, but let's be serious. I've got a 6 and 4 year old. I work. Have a house to run. We have baseball, softball and violin practice. Church on Sundays and Wednesdays. Not to mention trying to pretend to maintain some kind of family life/social life. It would be easy to say "well, just don't do so much." But what do you cut? Do I tell Ella, "Sorry, no violin for you." Or should I tell Lucy, "I know your older sister gets to participate in extra-curricular activities but we don't have enough time or energy for you." I have pretty much ruled out notifying God that we won't be doing the church thing anymore because we are too tired. No! I put my big girl panties on and deal with it. Just like every other mother who has more than 1 child does.



That does not change the fact that some days when school lets out at noon I am so tired I feel sick. Literally. Like I will throw up if I have to keep my eyes open one more moment.



And after 5:00 you can forget it. My "morning" sickness sets in and I'm done for! The past few weeks I've craved broccoli and macaroni and cheese. I can't get enough water and grilled chicken makes me hurl. I am forgetful, scattered and emotional. I am scared to death to have 3 children yet excited beyond human belief all at the same time. I am marveled by God's timing. I can make myself crazy trying to understand it all.



And yet......I feel so blessed. So absolutely, unimaginably blessed. So eternally grateful that God has answered our prayers for another child. So unworthy to believe that God actually thinks I can handle another child. So out-of-this-world excited to be able to rock another baby to sleep at night. To put my hands on his or her sweet face as they lay in my arms. To literally see God through another child. Oh my goodness! I could scream from the rooftop. This is what we have prayed for. This is a totally undeserved blessing.