Deep Thoughts and Christmas

Ok, so the title is a bit misleading.  I haven't been really having "deep" thoughts as much as I've just been having thoughts.  I started getting my 2012 blog ready to print (yes, I'm behind a bit) and started thinking about what my blog was and what its become.  When I started blogging when the girls were little I wanted a journal/scrapbook of our year.  It was a great way for me to stay connected to friends and family and document the fleeting moments of our life.  Raising two kids kept me busy and I had no way of keeping a real scrapbook. Not to mention I'm not real crafty.

As I was reflecting on what my blog had become I began to miss the good ole days.  I miss posting about the random events of our life, all the while not worrying about whether someone was going to like or not like what I had to say.  I am so grateful for the vessel that this blog has been for sharing Lucy's story.  I am grateful for the friends I have made along the way and the prayers that have been said for my baby girl.

Another factor in my not keeping up with the blog on a regular basis is that the daily activities of our lives  keep us so busy that it's just hard to find time to sit down and write.  I regret my lack of writing this year, though, because my 2014 book is going to look pretty sad.  I really want 2015 to be a revival year for my daily writing.  I'm officially declaring this my 2015 resolution.  I.  Will.  Write.  More.

Starting now....

This is a belated picture from Thanksgiving.  These two are such a mess.  We love our cousin Maddie.  

Christmas is in full swing at our house.  I've decorated, baked, wrapped and sat down utterly pooped almost every night since Thanksgiving.  But I am loving every minute of it.

Harley, our elf, made his return this year and has thankfully behaved himself.  Ella would like to see him by a bit more mischievous but that's just not happening.  Someone has to clean up after him and that person is usually me!

In keeping with Erik's German heritage we always celebrate St Nick's Day on December 6th.  The kids love opening their stocking and seeing what goodies St Nick brought.  Even Daddy and Mommy get in on the action.

One of the funniest memories from this year will be these darn notes that Ella has been writing to our elf each night.  Ella has almost fully hit the age of not-believing, but she's fighting it tooth and nail.  She's a lot like her mother in that she wants the experience the magic of every occasion.  Christmas has always been so very special to me and it is the same for Ella.  So, each night she writes a dissertation asking Harley 1,000 questions. And every night, Harley answers these questions.  Yep, its been fun!

Have I mentioned that I just love Christmas?

A Delayed Post

For those of you who regularly follow this blog you know that I have always posted the results from Lucy's scans the day of.  We've never had to wait longer than a few hours to get the results.  This time wasn't much different, except for the fact that we didn't share them after we got them.  When we met with Lucy's oncologist she told us the "scans looked good."  But then she added "but" to the sentence.  "There is a spot that showed up in the deep tissue.  We feel its probably just scar tissue."  This is when I said "yeah, I think we need to get Dr. C at LeBonheur to look over them.  You know, for a second opinion."

So, for the next 24 hours we didn't eat, sleep or breathe.  The places our minds went were places too familiar.  Horrible places with nightmare images.  The thoughts of "how do we make it through treatment again?"  "How will Lucy handle this"  "what will this do to Ella"  "what about Jack?"  Horrible, horrible thoughts.  Agonizing thoughts.

19 hours went by and we still hadn't heard from the doctors.  I then decided that albeit a little aggressive I would send Dr. W a text.  It went something like this

"Hey, thanks for being so attentive yesterday.  I haven't been able to eat, sleep or breathe since we last spoke.  It would mean a lot to me if you would make sure those scans get pushed over to Dr. C.  I know it might seem a tad irrational, but when you've been to hell it's not a place that easily escapes your mind.  Please don't make me stay here.  As always, we just adore you."

In the mean time I treated myself to a manicure, cleaned the house, went to the grocery store, wrote out to-do lists, and anything else to keep my mind occupied.

Being at St. Jude for the past 2 weeks has been really hard on my mental state.  As the years go by the return trips become more difficult.  Being surrounded by sick and dying children is not a natural way to spend a day.  Moms who are defeated, Dads who are emotionally tortured and children who have already lost their lives; even if still on this earth.

Around 5:30 last night we got news that the spot that showed up on the scans was determined to be a cavernoma, a bundle of blood vessels.  Basically scar tissue.  Praise God, praise God!  I don't understand His mercies or why he's chosen to continually spare Lucy's life.  I really can't even being to get my head around it.  But I am so grateful.  So, so grateful.

Today, we started living again.

Scan Update

Scans Today for Lucy

Lucy has scans today around 1:00. We've already started the day with a yucky IV. Prayers are more than appreciated. We thank you with all our hearts. 

Gratitude Abounds

As we have the past 4 years, we began our Thanksgiving celebrations by serving a Thanksgiving feast at LeBonheur Children's Hospital.  We served over 158 meals and met some amazing families.  But I can promise you, the blessing was received by those serving.  To be a part of something so amazing, so rewarding fills my heart with gratitude.

Today I am thankful for the experiences in my life that led to the creation of the Go Lucy Go Foundation.  Now, I'm not saying I am thankful for cancer because I'm not!  I've seen cancer destroy lives, tear families apart and kill precious children.  It is still a horror that haunts my family every single day of our lives.  However, God tells us to "give thanks in everything," and that's what I try to do.

So today I am thankful for the nurses, the doctors, the social workers, the child life specialists, the janitors and every other person who works to keep our amazing hospital running.  I am thankful for their love of children and their commitment to taking care of our community.  I am most thankful for the friendships that we have made through this journey.

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours.  

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18