First of all, Jack never had colic. I, unfortunately, have been dealing with some fairly significant health issues that led to my body's inability to effectively produce breastmilk. For those of you who have dealth with this, you know how discouraging and disappointing this is. I never had this problem with my girls, so this was a new emotion to deal with. It was quite a hard pill to swallow, since I thought that nursing was the one thing that I actually was doing right with Jack. Everything else around me seemed to be in chaos and I was holding on to nursing as the one thing I could and did control. And it's so primal. It's the most basic need that a mother should be able to provide for her child. Upon the realization that Jack was actually just hungry all the time, not colicky, I began to pump, supplement with formula and feed from a bottle. He immediately was a different child. See.....
He began sleeping better and stopped crying for hours at night. Everyone else in the house seems to be happier, too. After a few week of pumping, I noticed that I was producing less and less and after consulting with my doctor I decided that my body had given all it could. With the other issues I am dealing with I had to make a tough decision. But as so many close friends and family members reminded me, I can not be a good mother to Jack or Ella or Lucy or a good wife to Erik if I don't take care of myself. So, this chapter in my life was abruptly closed, but I know God is in control and His hand has been in all of this. And, seeing this baby smile and laugh makes it all worth while. He melts my heart with that crooked, gummy smile!
For posterity sake:
This week alone I went to Memphis 4 times. Monday was a doctor appointment for me. Tuesday I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy (fun!), Thursday was 2 doctor appointments for me and all three kiddos had well-baby check-ups and Friday was another visit to the doctor for me for labwork.
Jack at 2 months weighed 11 pounds and was 22" long
Ella at 7 years and 2 months weighed 43.8 pounds and was 47" tall
Lucy at 4 years and 8 months weighed 36 pounds and was 43" tall
Kate,
ReplyDeleteAs I read this post, It is almost "textbook" as to what we dealt with a little over a year ago. I remember the feeling of not being able to produce enough milk for Mills and it killed me! I never thought that I would ever feel like I did when I had to finally just throw in the towel. I was supplementing too...with very fussy baby who cried and cried. We thought he had colic, but actually, he was just hungry. I felt so guilty, but being a new mom, I just didn't know!! When we started the formula (after 4 tries) Mills was a different baby. He didn't care where his food came from, but me, I had a very hard time with it. Will be praying for you! :)
Jack looks like he's as happy as ever in these pictures. I could just pinch those sweet little cheeks!!! I
Glad to hear you have everything under control now. Will continue to pray for you all but glad to see that everyone is smiling these days:)
ReplyDeleteI did not have the health issues myself but Ragan's prematurity and my subsequent lack of producing milk caused the same problems. I was told that he was just a colicky baby and I kept nursing him thinking I was providing my premature baby with the best thing I could do for him when all along it was the nursing and lack of production that was making him so darn fussy ALL.DAY. LONG. It took me 14 weeks to figure it out and I sure felt like crap once I did. It took me a long time to get over the failure and the abrupt end but our world was so much better once we realized what was wrong.
ReplyDeleteKerry (somehow this your blog pulled Ragan's account???)