1.12.2014

First Step

I look at this picture and it's true.  I really have so much for which to be grateful.


Tonight I am speaking at a local church.  It's the first time I've spoken in public about "it."  You would think that for someone who's poured her life out on the pages of this computer for so long that this wouldn't be a big deal.  Not to mention that in my life I have given 3 graduation commencement speeches in front of 5,000 people each time.  Yeah, not so much.  I am very nervous.

I hesitated to agree to speak because of the struggles I have been going through lately.  However, no matter how hard to tried to say no I felt convicted that this was the right thing to do.  I know that if left up to me I will stumble on my words and be a total disaster.  All week long I have prayed that God would speak through me.  Someone there may need to hear one certain word or receive a slight glimpse of encouragement.  I am just fully relying on God to use me tonight to do His work.  

This afternoon as I fight my desire to be Jonah and run to Tarshish I am clinging to a verse that Erik shared with me last week.  James 4:17 "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."  Tonight is not going to be easy but I know I have to do it.  Tonight is one step in my journey of healing.  

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12 comments:

  1. I will pray for you tonight. :)

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  2. You can go this through Christ who strengthens you. You got this, Kate!

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  3. God is for you. God is with you. He and you will do this.

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  4. Oh, Kate, praying for you! I went through a really bad time of depression also after someone I loved died. I know how utterly draining it can be. It's a cancer in and of its self! My depression led to cutting, which finally led to counseling. I was reading your past posts where you mentioned finding a psychologist. Do it! It's not easy talking through all this stuff, but it helps so, so much! Praying!!

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  5. Hello kate my name is missy I met your niece at LeBoheur just a week ago and she told me about lucy because well my 7year old was just diegnosed with medulloblastom on christmas eve. I would really like to speak with you sometime we are at St.Judes now I have a fb page for him if you would like to check it out its Peyton"s page. I just feel with as much faith as you and your family has mybe your prayers could help my peyton to. God bless you missy.

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  6. I am just reading this so I'm sure your speaking engagement is over. I am sure it was moving! When I read that you would be speaking, my first thought was "I wonder if your recent struggles have been because Satan really doesn't want you talking tonight?!" God is using your family & your struggles! I pray that He will give you the strength you need moment by moment. His grace is sufficient.

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  7. You did a fantastic job last night Kate. Don't ever doubt your ability to speak of your experiences and know that God is using you in a mighty way. God bless you and your family.

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  8. I'm just now reading but I know that you did wonderful as I know that God was standing right with you. I love the photo of you and the girls. Blessings to you and those you love Becky in NC

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  9. bettie gobble, Col.3:17January 13, 2014 at 8:52 AM

    knowing because God went before you that you blessed many hearts last night! also the verse from james spoke to my heart in a situation...affirmed my actions!!!

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  10. Kate, you did wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing Lucy with us all.

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  11. http://vimeo.com/78600126
    have you watched this? perhaps it will bring you comfort. xx

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  12. I pray your evening of speaking went well. And way to be courageous and follow God's leading, even though you might have wished you could do otherwise.

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