Tonight I am speaking at a local church. It's the first time I've spoken in public about "it." You would think that for someone who's poured her life out on the pages of this computer for so long that this wouldn't be a big deal. Not to mention that in my life I have given 3 graduation commencement speeches in front of 5,000 people each time. Yeah, not so much. I am very nervous.
I hesitated to agree to speak because of the struggles I have been going through lately. However, no matter how hard to tried to say no I felt convicted that this was the right thing to do. I know that if left up to me I will stumble on my words and be a total disaster. All week long I have prayed that God would speak through me. Someone there may need to hear one certain word or receive a slight glimpse of encouragement. I am just fully relying on God to use me tonight to do His work.
This afternoon as I fight my desire to be Jonah and run to Tarshish I am clinging to a verse that Erik shared with me last week. James 4:17 "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." Tonight is not going to be easy but I know I have to do it. Tonight is one step in my journey of healing.