5.11.2011

The Good and the Bad

Thank you all for your continued and urgent prayers today.  It has been a crazy, stressful day full of lots of tears and fears.  I will start this post by telling you that about an hour ago we found out that Lucy has had a mini stroke located in the Thalumus of the brain.  It has caused the impaired vision and eye twitching that she has.  She has vision, but can not focus very well and everything looks like its jumping up and down.  It is really frustrating to her as she can't watch TV or play her DSi.  She can't play the iPad that her school gave her either and she is NOT happy about it. 

As I stated before, I had no sooner pressed publish on last night's blog post when she started to complain about her eyesight.  After such a wonderful day yesterday--and I mean WONDERFUL--we just assumed that she was tired and her eyes, like the rest of her, just needed to rest.  When the problem persisted this morning Erik took her on to Memphis.  I was at the doctor myself and just met him and my mother in the clinic at St. Jude.  When I got there I was literally taken aback at how much she had deteriorated.  I just sat in the floor beside her (she was curled up in the wagon) and cried.  I was not prepared for what I saw.  Her eyes were moving all around uncontrollably and she literally couldn't focus on much of anything.  I was scared. 

In the words of our great doctor today, "God had his hand on Lucy."  She said this because an act of congress won't get you a same day MRI and even if it could there's never the circumstance where the patient is NPO.  Well, wouldn't you know that they had an open spot and Lucy had not eaten anything yet.  Oh, little blessings.  It was past 2:00 before we got the MRI and almost 4:30 before we made it back to the clinic.  Once we got there we had to turn around for more imaging.  Let me just tell you.  When one of the world's leading doctors meets you in the hall with the look of fear on his face and tells you that they need more images before they can talk to us you start to panic.  They were not able to sedate Lucy again, so we prayed and prayed for another miracle.  We needed her to stay asleep and she did.  While they did the 10 minute scan, I cried and I prayed and I begged.  I was prepared for the worse.  Erik, too. 

After the scan I met Erik in the waiting room and I could tell he had spent those agonizing minutes in tears as well.  They immediately took us back to the clinic to meet with the doctor.  I walked back into the room with as much fear and anxiety as I could have possibly held in my body.  I could barely walk.  We were both convinced that they were going to tell us the cancer had grown out of control, that the tumors were huge and she was in trouble.  But let me tell you what they told us instead....

Of course, she had to tell us about the stroke.  But then she told us that Lucy's scans showed her disease was literally melting away from the radiation.  This was later confirmed by our favorite Dr. K who said that the disease look better than anyone could have ever imagined.  DID YOU READ THAT?!?!?!?!  Isn't that awesome.  We had been told to prepare for scans, even at 5 weeks out, to look possibly worse due to the swelling caused by Radiation.  To hear that the tumors were responding so positively so quickly is just absolute confirmation that our God is so good.  I am simply speechless tonight as I try to take in all that has happened today.  Even in my moments of meager, embarrasing faith God never took his hand off of Lucy, or me. 

So, here is what happens next.  Lucy will be inpatient for a few days until we get to the root of this problem.  They will be running tests to determine if there is a blood clot in her brain, if she has a blood clotting disorder and various other things.  She has been started on a super, super high dose of steriods (the Dexamethasone that she received at Le Bonheur) that should reduce the swelling in her brain so that her eyes will return to normal.  We are hoping this might happen within a day or so.  And then we just wait and let the Lord work.  Did I mention that that is really, really hard to do?

Please be in constant prayer that the steriods will work and the doctors will be able to determine what has caused the mini stroke.  I am going to have to dig deep and beg for enough faith to help me place Lucy in God's hands so that I don't worry myself to death until we figure this all out.  I am already scared about going to sleep.  What if she has another one?  What if the damage is worse this time?

I am reminded of my friend Nicole who has dealt with a similar situation with her daughter.  It took her a long time, but she was finally able to let it go.  I hope that I can do the same, realizing that I never had control to begin with.  Only the false sense of ownership that we allow ourselves to claim over our children and our own lives.  Another test of faith, another test of courage.  I just hope I don't fail this one miserably. 

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38 comments:

  1. I am in tears over reading this. How amazing that the tumors are just melting away. AWESOME! God is so great, he is hearing all of our prayers. I pray that you have strength through all of this.

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  2. With my hand touching Lucy's photo on the computer screen in front of me, I have prayed over your precious daughter. May God continue to heal her and provide you with His mighty comfort.

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  3. I don't know you personally but please know that I am praying and praying and praying for all of you and - especially - for Lucy.

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  4. I have prayed for Lucy so many times today since reading your earlier post. I'm so glad you received encouraging news today. I hope the steriods begin to work quickly so she can get back to her new normal. I will continue to pray. You are such a strong mama! I hope to God I'm never put in the position that you are in, but if I am, I hope I'm half as faithful to our God that you are. You amaze me everyday and I've never even met you! Hang in there!

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  5. God bless you, Lucy, and the rest of your family!! It seems that y'all can't catch a break! Please know that there are countless people praying as soon as you send us the request!

    A great day yesterday and then a day like today....full of worry, frustration, and many tears. However, what great news you received today! Continuing to pray.....especially for Lucy's doctors to get to the root of the problem and to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

    Go Lucy Go!!!

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  6. Oh, wow. Still praying! Your posts remind me of Laura Story's new song, "Blessings."

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  7. Kate, please know that you and your family are in my prayers. I have a package to mail for Lucy. We moved to Athens, AL on 4/16 and our home was hit by a tornado on 4/27! Praise God her package was not touched and was still laying on the counter where I'd left it! We will be out of our home for 3-4 months but we are safe and so blessed! Big (((HUGS))) from AL

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  8. Praying for sweet Lu - and all of you guys. Planning to come "home" for the 5k and walk in her honor.

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  9. I'm fairly certain I have never cried over a blog before tonight. We continue to pray for your sweet little girl!
    Hang in there, Kate!

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  10. Praying constantly for THE GREAT HEALER to NEVER LET HIS HANDS OFF OF LUCY!!! That she will be surrounded by HIS LOVE AND PEACE! That HEALING is happening and will continue to amaze the WORLD!

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  11. Praise the Lord for the miracle you guys experienced today! Still praying for Lucy's eyes.

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  12. No great words, but know that you are in my prayers, eloquence alludes me now, but God knows the prayers of my heart, and He hears them

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  13. On my way to work this morning I was asking God why Lucy and praying for a miracle. I hate to hear about the stroke, but what great news you also got. Praying daily from Missouri! Hang in there, you are SUPER MOM!

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  14. Whew...I need to breathe a minute...I am speechless, but speechless with the funniest looking smile you've ever seen. I think my heart is fluttering. Mini stroke- not a good thing by anymeans, but to hear you tell us that her tumors are melting away...I am speechless! I want to shout from the roof tops!
    God is so good! I could just squeeze you in two!

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  15. I thought about Lucy so much today. I am so happy to hear the progress that was seen on the imaging. Praying that the steroids help quickly and she is back home where she belongs soon and very soon. (((HUGS))) to you all, what a draining day! get some rest, Mom.
    ~Heather in OH

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  16. Be strong in the Lord. God is watching Lucy and each one of your sweet family. Dream of being home and seeing Lucy running with the puppy. Faith is not believing He can, but knowing He will. He has and He will. We are praying, praying and praying without ceasing. Keep telling us exactly how to pray. Cynthia

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  17. Oh, praise the Lord for the great news!!! And I will pray for the eye situation to get better quickly.

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  18. Oh my stars, what a terrifying day, but Praise God for the good scans!!!! Kellan will be back in the hospital tomorrow morning to start round 2 of her chemo--please let me know if there is anything you guys need, and I can bring it. We'll see you then--I hope you're able to get some rest tonight--will say some special prayers for rest and healing for Lucy and for you!

    --Sarah Good

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  19. Praying, praying, always praying.

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  20. I am rejoicing with the news of Lucy! My daughter and I pray daily for God to heal her. Please know you and your family will remain in our prayers.
    Mary Lucy Thompson
    Louisiana

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  21. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! I pray everything else turns out well and that you are able to hand everything over to God. Never easy!

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  22. I don't know you personally but I have been praying and praying and praying for Lucy!! As a mother myself I just can't even imagine what you are feeling! Thank God that the radiation was working and melting those yucky tumors away!! Continually praying!

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  23. Praying earnestly for you all. Praying for more healing and God's touch on her eyes and brain. Praying for you too and your momma's heart....hang in there! God is just as concerned and has his hand on YOU just as much as He has her in his arms. TRUST. Be at PEACE! Let Him have it all! You are dearly loved from afar.

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  24. YEA!!! You posted earlier in the week a very short post about Lucy going in for a blood transfusion. Then there was NOTHING for a couple of days. Yesterday I went to my spin class at the gym and for one hour solid I prayed for Lucy as hard as I could. I was so scared for you guys. I hadn't heard anything and had no specifics about the blood transfusion. I was afraid of very scary news! I came home last night to read your EXCELLENT post and was sooooo relieved!!! Tonight I read the 'good and the bad' news. It seems that the bad news seems not that bad? I have no idea, but it sounds very hopeful that they have a good handle on it!! And the GOOD news is well.....GREAT! PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD! Wow! Celebrate!! Way to go little Lucy!! We are cheering for you here in TEXAS!!

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  25. Praise God !! I have been following your blog for quite sometime now but never commented. Today's post brought tears in my eyes. God is so awesome !! Thank you Lord for healing Lucy !!! You work wonders when we trust in you

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  26. Sooo sooo sooo glad to hear the good news for you guys! :)
    I am on that steroid right now too and it makes me super hungry and major insomnia so they have me take another med for sleeping.
    Lots of luck, prayers, and positive thoughts your way.

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  27. horrible and wonderful all at the same time! I hope Lucy's vision is restored quickly. As for those tumors...they can just keep melting! Prayers of thanksgiving!

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  28. Amazing news! I hope more melting goes on!!!!!!!

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  29. I do not know you personally but I read your blog and pray for Lucy and your family daily. Just remember God is good ALL the time. We might not see results immediately but he knows everything before it happens. Just remember this phrase, "Let Go and Let God!"
    Love and Prayers from Dyersburg TN
    -Lauren Wooldridge

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  30. I am so sorry about the stroke and the eye problems but I am so THRILLED with what the scan showed ya'll! GOD IS SO GOOD! I will continue praying for your family and will specially pray for Lucy's eyes and for good results on the test.

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  31. I will continue to pray for Lucy! God is great and please continue to be with Lucy in her journey! God bless

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  32. Oh my goodness, I am sure you are thinking what's next? Even though I am sad to hear Lucy had a mini-stoke, I am so happy that the tumors are melting away! That is so wonderful! A nice pick-me-up for you while you and Erik were so down. I will keep praying for you all every day as I always do.

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  33. I am so happy to hear that the cancer is melting away!! Praise God. I hope this stroke will reverse itself and pray Lucy will heal quickly.

    Praying,
    <><

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  34. What an emotional day! It really is a roller coaster of emotions, one minute you are up and thinking all is well and then in a blink it changes. I am so thankful that the radiation is working!!! Keeping you all in our daily prayers! Hugs!

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  35. Paising God and Praying...

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  36. Oh my! I am so sorry to hear that Lucy had a mini stroke, but am thrilled to hear that the tumors responded to the radiation! Praise the Lord! I will continue to pray that the wonderful doctors figure out what is going on & get to the root of the problem, & that her eyesight returns to normal.

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  37. A stroke is scary, but what wonderful news about the cancer! Go Lucy, go!!!

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  38. I literally let out a sob when I read the news about that dreadful disease melting away, my daugther (she's 3) came running to see what was wrong, I told her that our prayers were working and she said "we can't stop now"...more prayers coming your way from Richmond, Virginia!

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