It's a New Year

Happy New Year!  I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy to see 2012 roll off the calendar.  I guess I just had so much hope that 2012 was going to be a redemption year for our family.  Unfortunately it just became an extension of the hell that was 2011.  Once again, I have great hopes and dreams for 2013.  I pray, with all my being, that this will be the year that Lucy gains health and strength, Ella gains confidence, Jack will continue to amaze us with his charisma and Erik and I will be able to spend some quality time together as husband and wife.  All that probably doesn't sound like much, but to me it would be a dream come true.

One moment at a time has been the life I have learned to live, even accept and kind of appreciate, over the past 2 years.  It hasn't been easy and it definitely has been a journey.  I miss being able to plan things like I once did and I sometimes long for those days.  In all reality though, this is the life that God wants to me live.  Putting my trust in Him to carry me through each day is how He wants me to live.  I'll be the first to admit that this life lesson has been one of the hardest parts of Lucy's illness (for me that is.)  I don't like change and I sure don't like being forced into change.

I often wonder why.  I know I've talked about it a lot, but I think recently the "why" has been weighing on me so heavy.  I don't know "why."  I may never.  When our friend Justin passed away his mother said something to me that I could not understand.  I wondered why she has chosen to think this thought.  She said "In a strange way, I'm relieved to know that Justin is in heaven.  What if his life here on earth was going to be worse than it was."  I had just spent a year thinking that life couldn't get any worse.  Could it?

I recently started reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  There is one passage that burned a hole in my soul from the moment I read it and I can't seem to get it off my mind.  She says in a conversation with her brother in law, "maybe you don't want to change the story, because you don't know what a different ending holds."  Learning to accept and even one day learning to be thankful for our story seems like a monumental task.  But what it?  What if MY story, the story that I wanted to write, had a worse ending.  I shutter at the thought.

Oh dear God, heal my broken soul and forgive me failure to trust you.

At the end of every day my every need has been met-one way of the other.  All without and preparation or planning on my part.  God has continued to amaze me, and I expect nothing less in 2013.  I'm not setting any goals or resolutions for this new year.  There is no need to set myself up for disappointment.  Instead, I'm going to strive to continue to live each and every day to its absolute fullest, one day at a time.  Striving to find the God moments in every situation.

So, here's to 2013...one day at a time.

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  1. Hi Kate,
    What deep thoughts to have. I love what Justin's mom said about his life being worse here on earth if he hadn't passed away. I have gone through a lot and I have asked these same questions and I have come to the conclusion that I am very thankful for the life Father has given me even though it isn't the way I wanted it to go. My children, my husband and I are believers in Jesus and we all have a relationship with Him so I know where we are going. I think the worst thing ever would be knowing that one of my babies wasn't walking with the Lord, that would kill me.

    You have a beautiful family and you all walk with Jesus and that is the best thing ever.

    I'm always praying for Lucy and your family. I just know you will be blessed in 2013.

  2. Dearest Kate,

    You bought up some great thoughts that hadn't even entered my mind.You have gone through so much that this Mama of 3 cries for you. Kate, there were times when I would read all you and Eric were going through and all I wanted to do was hop on a plane, fly where you were, take you in my arms and comfort you but I also knew no amount of hugs or love could take that profound sorrow away and Kate, it broke my heart. Today, I cried HAPPY tears and thanked God for your blessings....your Lucy...your Peace and Happiness. I know at times you felt so very alone but we were all with you and will continue to be with you. HAPPY NEW YEARS My Friend!!! Please give those babies a hug from me!!!

  3. One answer to the question "Why?" is found in II Cor. 1:3,4. And I'm sure you have already comforted many people. You have a compassion for others in situations like yours that I could never have. Keep trusting!

  4. wow...what perspective that only comes through walking through the valley. i love you honesty, your raw transparency and most of all your faith. praying that 2013 is a year of true hope and healing for your family.

  5. desperateforavacationJanuary 2, 2013 at 10:55 AM

    Hi Kate, thank you as always for being so honest and open. I so appreciate your testimony - through your words I do believe lives are changed for the better. I just wish Lucy and your family did not have to experience the battle those words stem from.

    2011 and 2012 were hard years for me and my family. I care for my mother - Alzheimer's is a hateful disease of a different sort. We had other valleys, and those who were before us left us a stepping stool and water. i have out loud conversations with God all the time -crying out to Him, asking for guidance, asking for forgiveness for my mess-ups.

    God has a plan, we are part of something bigger and better - I know we wish sometimes we knew the whys, the wheres and the whens - but I cling to the fact that victory is already won.

    You are awesome and I appreciate your heart and your testimony.

  6. Hi Kate,

    I do not know you, but I've been reading your blog and praying for Lucy for about two years now. My husband graduated from U of M and I lived in Memphis with him for a short time. I just lost my 19 year-old brother on December 14th. He fell off a 100ft cliff and lived for a week. A little 8ft. tree broke his fall, saving him from instant death. We call this the tree of life! Because of the tree, he was able to donate his organs to 50 or more people and give other families Christmas miracles. Although we do not know why these things happen, we just have to put our faith and God and trust in HIS plan. I will continue to pray for strength for Lucy and your entire family. God bless!

  7. Your brother lived in Arkansas, I believe. I have read so much about him on Facebook and in local papers. So many people loved him. I am so sorry about his death, but grateful that the tree gave his family time with him. God bless you and all his family.