Anxious.
It's a word that I've come to loathe. Mainly because it's a word that consumes me a lot of the times. I'd like to think that I'm making strides at becoming less anxious, but I'm afraid that would be a lie. What's worse is that I'm a total hypocrite, too.
Ella has lessons that we work on to help her with her anxiety. I tell her about Philippians 4:6 which says not to be anxious for anything. I know that Matthew 6 tells us not worry about our lives. Surely if God can take care of the birds in the sky, He can take care of us. We talk to her about Colossians 3:2 and how it tells us to set our minds on things above.
But yet, I worry. Oh, do I worry.
There are a litany of items I worry about. I'll spare you the details. What's interesting, and probably surprising, is that Lucy's cancer returning isn't one of them. I have fully accepted the fact that there is NOTHING I can do about her cancer. I could spend the rest of my life trying, but there is nothing I can do (except pray) to prevent a recurrence. So, I think I've gone into hyper-worry mode trying to make sure that everything else in my life is good, safe, whole.
This past Sunday my Dad, who is our Sunday School teacher, taught a lesson on appreciating God's treasure. As humans we have a tendency to squander our lives away. I find my life slipping away to worry. The lesson really spoke to me and was a great reminder that all those lessons we are teaching Ella, all those verses of promise from God are just that. Promises. I was told this weekend that God made over 30,000 promises in the Bible. You know how many he broke?
None.
I'm sure not preaching to anyone. As I stated above, I live in sinful worry. However, the things I garnered from our lesson on Sunday really made an impact on me. I'm hoping that maybe one of you might gleam something from it as well. God is our provider, he IS Jehovah-Jireh. The task ahead for me is to struggle daily to live a life knowing that God cares and provides for me. He will not leave me.
Will I have the courage? This is becoming my daily prayer. The one I have to say before I can get out of bed in the morning. Lord Jesus, go before me. I have to figure this out. For me. For my family. For Ella.
I would like to ask that you say a prayer for 4 special people tonight. Our friend Kellan had her scans today, our friend Connor passed away this weekend, my dear friend Jamison lost her father to cancer last night and this month marks the anniversary of Justin's death. My chest becomes so heavy as I think about the depth of sorrow each of these families are feeling right now. I know your prayers will be felt.
I think it's perfectly normal to feel cool, calm and collected one minute, and then shaky and unsure the next. To feel like you've finally got a grip and handle on things, like you're sure you have the necessary tools to react appropriately to stress and the next time it rears it's head, only to fall back into the same old routine of anxiety and worry. It's not being a hypocrite, it's just living this life. :)
ReplyDeleteLove this post! Just today, I did a similar post about choosing joy over worry. I am always worrying and sometimes it feels like it consumes me. I KNOW that Gid doesn't want us to love like that!. I'm focusing on Ann Voskamp's book 1000 gifts. Have you read it? Lifting your family and those 4 people you mentioned up in prayer!
ReplyDeleteHey Kate,my name is Paige and I am 13! I heard about Lucy's story thru one of my friends dance studio and have been following y'all ever since! I just wanted to comment and say I had a lot of the same problems Ella is having when I was little ...it wasn't anything major I was just anxious and worried about everything . So my dad wrote down many of the verses you just listed and wrote them on flash cards and made me memorize them...it really worked I just felt this peace inside me and knew I wasn't alone..Today when that worry creeps back into my head I think of all those verses my dad made me memorize when I was 8 or 9! I know this is nothing of the magnitude you are dealing with but just wanted to let you know for Ella! Psalms 27:1 (check it out) thnx
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for the four people you mentioned. And for Ella and you and me and all others who suffer from worry and anxious thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for those 4 people who are dear to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd the worry thing? I'm working on it. :s
Thanks for sharing, sounds like you have a great dad.
Kate - this post made me cry. It has come for me at a time I need it most. Thank you for your honesty: it has actually called ME out. I am an anxious momma of 3, often struggling to let God be who He SHOULD be in my life - completely sovereign. Thank you for this poignant reminder! If I may ask, how did you find the lessons that you were talking about for Ella? My 7-year old son is in need of some help, as well. God Bless you and your beautiful family. I will continue to pray for you all. Jen from CA
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what I needed to hear this morning...as I'm headed to see a counselor about my worry and anxiety:) thank you for speaking to my heart...
ReplyDeletePrayers for your friend and for less anxiety and worry. You're definitely turning to the right source for peace and comfort.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite Franchesca Batiselli song- says when I know that I know, when I'm sure that I figured you out. Help me say that I'm small that I can't know it all. Love the part that says I am small:) Puts in perspective how big my God is. As a mother of 5 I feel I know whats best and it is a battle for me to put it in His hands and let go. I feel I am the Queen of worry:)
ReplyDeleteDo you have a copy of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young? If not, please get one for yourself. You won't regret it. My goal this year is to leave my worries, concerns, burdens at the foot of the Cross, and not keep taking them back. As we bring our burdens, worries and needs to the Throne of Grace, He promises to meet us there and take them from us. We just need to do it. (I preach to myself and share with you).
ReplyDeleteI am one of your faithful readers and pray for your sweet family.
I begin my days reading your posts and I am thankful you share your heart so openly. You have touched and impacted me with your honesty and humbleness! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHugs to your family!!
One day my family will be running the 5K Go Lucy Go---gotta make our soccer schedule no conflict---the daily grind!!
Kate, What a great picture of you and Lucy and Jack is such a little cutie, those eyes and that smile just brighten my day. He also looks so much older with his hair cut. Ella is one Beautiful little girl. When I see pictures of her I can only wonder if she acts way older than her age? She just looks like that to me in pictures. (you know how you have never seen a person but visulize what they look like, well when I see her pictures that is all I can think). sorry for rambling on. Thanks for the post today, I loved it.
ReplyDeleteKate, I've been waking up every morning with pain in my jaw from clenching my teeth all night. I so needed to hear this!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your feelings and life lessons.
Always thinking of you all,
Lisa Schaffer
All That and a Box of Rocks
Http://lisaschaffer.blogspot.com
I walk that worry path with you. It defines me. I also have a child who shares the unfortunate worry gene. Like you, I work on the tools with him but often forget the same tools when it comes to me. I took zoloft for a year and boy did it help. I went off of it and was still relatively worry free (compared to me usual worrying self). Lately I feel the worry creeping back in. I have absolutely no advice but I understand.
ReplyDeleteHi Kate your blog shows the love of Jesus. I was a little girl who followed my grandma around to every medical book store and health food store. She prayed and ask God to show her how to juice and take natural remedies as she could not afford health insurance. Well God healed her and she lived another 40 years healthy. She passed on in her 80s so I have started a web site and find experts free to listen to on how to fight cancer with what God has put on earth in natural remedies like Grandma did. If I can show the love of Jesus to anyone just pass on His love ....
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If I could only take you in my arms and comfort you for a minute. Sometimes that touch from someone you never met before eases the pain. That of course will never happen but know as I go about my daily life, I am holding you tight in prayer.
ReplyDeleteHere we explain 10 Natural Remedies for Anxiety and Depression.
ReplyDeleteThere are plenty of remedies for anxiety in your kitchen. Following these remedies or changing the daily schedule, you can improve your life.