8.08.2011

A Memory

I am not writing for sympathy for Lucy.  I am writing to remember how I feel at this very moment.

We are waiting to be seen by the doctor to review Lucy's lab work.  A little boy asked her to play and they sat down at the table to work with a puzzle.  He started asking about the bump on her head (her shunt) and she didn't know what to say.  I told him that it was part of the medicine that was helping Lucy get rid of her cancer.  As he kept asking questions, Lucy was growing more and more embarrassed.  He apparently didn't think she was cool anymore so he got up and left and started playing with someone else.  She laid her head down on the table and was so sad. 

So...this is the point where the rational 34 year old almost became totally overcome by the mother in me.  I wanted to go over and make that little boy hurt as bad as he just hurt my baby girl.  I know that is absolutely irrational and I would NEVER do that, but oh my gosh.  My heart is broken in two right now.  He is only 6 and I know he just doesn't know any better.  Lucy has moved on but I haven't.  Right now he is running around the room with 2 other kids (who can also run) while my baby is just sitting and watching.  Because she can't run.  Some days she can hardly walk across the room. 

I hate this for her.  I HATE THIS FOR HER!!!!!!!
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23 comments:

  1. HANG IN THERE! You are right that little boy had no idea that he hurt Lucy. I will keep you in my prayers.

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  2. Kate
    I hate this for both of you. I'm having a hard time seeing the bigger picture here. Although we have never met, I believe you are one of the sweetest & most sincere people I know. Your faith humbles & amazes me. I find myself saying why Lucy & your family? Your story has made me a better Mom. If my girls ask me to do something I hop to it no matter how tired I may be or if it's something I'd rather not do because I know you would give anything to be doing these normal mommy things. Thank you for sharing your family & story with all of us.

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  3. Claiming God's promise that wherever two or more are gathered in His name, He will be also. And we are gathered, Kate. It might be virtually, through reading your blog, but Lucy's prayer warriors are gathered and praying for the sweet touch of our Mighty God to be upon Lucy and upon you, right now, right there.

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  4. That just plain sucks! I hope today is a good day in the world of lab work. I wish you didn't have to have all these miserable experiences, but I love that you take strength in God's love.

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  5. As a mom, we want to protect our kids always. I have been there with the want to hurt a id because they hurt your kid. But that little boy was just asking questions. Doesn't sound like his intent was to be mean. Key thing is to explain as "matter of fact-ly" or casually as you can. More for Lucy's sake than for any question-asker's sake. To the point where she does not feel embarrassed. Maybe even play act with stuffed animals or with kids of moms who've you specifically coached to ask certain questions. I think that might help Lucy deal with the questions she is bound to get... Will keep your and her in my prayers!

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  6. You are so strong, or maybe I should say Christ is so strong within you. You show strength by being able to view that little six year olds reaction to a situation he can't comprehend with compassion in the midst of your own pain for Lucy. Continuing to pray for you all...

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  7. I can completely understand how the Mommy Bear in you almost came out. I know that little boy doesn't know any better but dang that's mean for poor little Lucy.

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  8. I check your site daily and pray for your family but this just makes my heart hurt. Little ones do not understand how their words and actions can hurt. I'm thankful Lucy moved on...she sounds like such a strong little girl.

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  9. I hate this for her, too. Nothing hurts a mom's heart like seeing her child hurt. Still praying for all of you, especially Lucy girl! Someday, she will run faster than all the boys. That should make you smile! Cynthia

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  10. My heart just breaks for Lucy and you both! I know that little boy does not understand but the Mom in me wants to sweep Lucy up into my arms and make her feel all better. My heart just aches for you both everday. I am keeping you both in my prayers.

    Melissa Hodges

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  11. Kids can be cruel, but they are also resilient. Lucy will make it through these hard feelings.

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  12. I hate that for her too. Other kids just don't understand, but neither does she. They do not understand why she is different, and she doesn't understand WHY she has to be different either. I hope and pray each and everyday that Lucy will be back to "normal" soon. I can't wait until you are posting pictures of her running and playing with friends at school!

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  13. I know it's hard to see your little one be hurt by another child especially under these circumstances. It's difficult to see God in those situations. But, one day, a child will come along and play with Lucy and will think she is cool because she has a shunt and will love her despite the fact that she can't run and will be nice to her because maybe someone had hurt her before too. That's when you'll be blessed and you will see and feel God's love. And one day, Lucy will love other kids who don't necessarily look like her or that are different because she knows what it's like to be treated differently and she won't want any other child to feel that way. And you will be so proud of her. Remember that God's blessings may come through teardrops and the trials of this life are His mercies in disguise.

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  14. You are so normal...that would have been my response too...100%. I'm sure he didn't even realize what he did...but that doesn't make it any easier for you or Lucy. Extra prayers for you all today. Don't feel badly for how you feel. Any other mom (including me) understands!

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  15. Aren't those mamma feelings overpowering? I know exactly how you feel when it comes to someone hurting our kids. I too get this way when someone hurts my children, it is like a monster that takes over and I my heart feels like it will burst into two!

    All we can do is give it to God and ask Him to help not only us but our children. To show them how to deal with it and allow them to grow from it.

    No worries mom, I am with you on this one. :s

    <><

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  16. I'm a "realist". Having 4 kids (grown now) of my own helped me to become one. I'm glad you are able to write these feelings down; it helps you deal with those feelings. And those feelings? They will never go away as long as there is breath still in your body. When one of my adult kids is hurting, it is still the most terrible feeling for a mother. Hang in there! God's blessings on Lucy and all of y'all too!

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  17. oh how I wish I could hug you and Lucy this very instant. The mom in me FULLY UNDERSTANDS! Lucy. baby girl, we are praying for you honey. THIS TEXAN here thinks you are pretty awesome and I would give anything to be playing puzzle games or just in your presence. YOU ARE THAT AWESOME!!!

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  18. This is why my main concern as a parent to make sure my 2 children treat ALL kids nicely...I was bullied as a child and I can't stand the thought of my kids being bullied and I think it'd be worse if they were the bully. I am sure this 6 year old wasn't intentionally being mean but just the fact that he made Lucy so sad when she is already struggling with so much. The last thing she needs is to be insecure about something that is not her fault! If that boy was my son, he'd be apologizing profusely! I am one of the many people who has never met Lucy but she has touched my heart and I want nothing but wonderful things for this beautiful angel!

    Samantha mom of 2 in Arizona

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  19. Praying for you, praying for Lucy, and praying for that little boy. He may not have known that he hurt your sweet girl, but you know, and I understand that the "momma bear" can come out big time. I pray that sweet Lucy forgets this very soon and please know we are praying so hard for her, daily!

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  20. It's at times like this a mommies heart shatters.....so sorry. I remember on the very few days I could go to school while having cancer I had kids say I had cancer cooties.....it was soo painful and hard. PRAYING FOR YOU AND LUCY!!!

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  21. You just made me have momma elephant tears too....praying, especially for Wednesday:) Laura

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  22. I know it must have hurt you to see her like that! I know from experience that it's hard when you're different...there are so many questions asked and it must be especially hard for a five year old that doesn't know much about being different! I'm praying for her emotional strength through the questions that are bound to come! It's hard to see Lucy with cancer...but God has a purpose!

    Love,
    Allison

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