Sick

This has been Lucy's worst chemo day by far.  It's been everything I ever imagined chemo would be.  She has vomited since 9am this morning and just fell asleep after a much needed dose of Phenergan.  She has had Ativan and Benadryl today along with her Zofran, but they just weren't helping.  All of this was preceded by a horrible night's sleep in which she was awake with leg cramps and diarrhea from 2-4am.  It was lovely. 

I keep telling myself that if the chemo is doing this to her body, imagine what it is doing to the cancer.  With every heave I pray that God is using the chemo to heal my baby girl.  It is so hard watching her go through this.  I wish with every fiber of my being that I could trade places with her.  But I can't, so I will just hold her little head and wipe her face for hours a day if I need to.  Doing so makes me the luckiest mother in the world.  It is truly an honor to help her fight this battle. 

On a happier note, we spent the day yesterday in our typical send-off style.  Surrounded by family, enjoying the time we have together.  The weather was beautiful.  It was so nice actually being able to stay outside for more than 5 minutes.  The scorching heat has been so depressing in West Tennessee.  We had a belated birthday lunch for me at my parent's house and then spent the day fishing, riding 4-wheelers and visiting with family.  All of my family plus Erik's parents spent the day outdoors, soaking up the sun before our 3 week journey began. 

I would be remiss if I did not mention that Ella went to the lake with my parent's this weekend.  She had a wonderful time and we are so grateful she had the opportunity to play in the sun and water.  She has missed going to the lake so badly.  It's been one of the things that weighed on my mind heavily.  Her life was so disrupted.  I just hate it for her.  But you can tell from the picture that she had a blast!

Thank you all for your continued prayers for Lucy.  As I mentioned before, her battle is not won yet.  She still has two more months of treatment to push through and then we have several years to wait until the docs will deem her cancer free.  While we know the 5 year wait will be torturous at times, we will take comfort in our Father's loving arms.  I pray daily for the teams of doctors, nurses, researchers and support staff here at St. Jude.  This amazing hospital is saving our daughter's life. 

Here in Tennessee you can get a St. Jude or a LeBonheur Children's Hospital license plate.  Erik and I were discussing which one I would get when it was time for me to renew my tags.  I decided I would probably get a St. Jude one, because this hospital will always have a special place in our hearts.  We plan on being able to declare that this was the place where our daughter was given a second chance at life.  This is where we found hope in the face of death. 

With that being said, LeBonheur is the place where our lives changed forever.  It is the place, where in 2 hours times, our world was turned upside down.  It is the place where I met Jesus more personally than ever in my life.  With my face buried on the bathroom floor, my God reached out to me and held my hand.  It was at the hospital we were told our daughter would surely die and then hours later told that she had a fighting chance to live.  It was at that place where we were given a new lease on life; a new perspective on living.  It was there that I was forever changed into the person that I hope to be forever.  It is there that we will bless many lives in the future. 

Erik and I both have full confidence that God has allowed us to walk through this valley for a reason.  We are so incredibly eager to find out what he has in store for us.  We know it is something big.  Already we view our lives through a different lens than most.  It is really hard to explain.  Things that mattered before don't matter now.  Things that didn't matter before mean the world to us now.  We are going to be called into a ministry position of some form.  I don't think that either of us will ever be more than what we are now vocationally, but we are supposed to do something with what we have learned.  We have seen too much and have heard too much.  We have been exposed to more "need" in this short period of Lucy's illness than most would be in a lifetime.  God is going to use us.  We are willing.  I just pray that we have a healed child in the end and a life deemed worthy when it is all over.