8.15.2011

Sick

This has been Lucy's worst chemo day by far.  It's been everything I ever imagined chemo would be.  She has vomited since 9am this morning and just fell asleep after a much needed dose of Phenergan.  She has had Ativan and Benadryl today along with her Zofran, but they just weren't helping.  All of this was preceded by a horrible night's sleep in which she was awake with leg cramps and diarrhea from 2-4am.  It was lovely. 

I keep telling myself that if the chemo is doing this to her body, imagine what it is doing to the cancer.  With every heave I pray that God is using the chemo to heal my baby girl.  It is so hard watching her go through this.  I wish with every fiber of my being that I could trade places with her.  But I can't, so I will just hold her little head and wipe her face for hours a day if I need to.  Doing so makes me the luckiest mother in the world.  It is truly an honor to help her fight this battle. 

On a happier note, we spent the day yesterday in our typical send-off style.  Surrounded by family, enjoying the time we have together.  The weather was beautiful.  It was so nice actually being able to stay outside for more than 5 minutes.  The scorching heat has been so depressing in West Tennessee.  We had a belated birthday lunch for me at my parent's house and then spent the day fishing, riding 4-wheelers and visiting with family.  All of my family plus Erik's parents spent the day outdoors, soaking up the sun before our 3 week journey began. 










I would be remiss if I did not mention that Ella went to the lake with my parent's this weekend.  She had a wonderful time and we are so grateful she had the opportunity to play in the sun and water.  She has missed going to the lake so badly.  It's been one of the things that weighed on my mind heavily.  Her life was so disrupted.  I just hate it for her.  But you can tell from the picture that she had a blast!



Thank you all for your continued prayers for Lucy.  As I mentioned before, her battle is not won yet.  She still has two more months of treatment to push through and then we have several years to wait until the docs will deem her cancer free.  While we know the 5 year wait will be torturous at times, we will take comfort in our Father's loving arms.  I pray daily for the teams of doctors, nurses, researchers and support staff here at St. Jude.  This amazing hospital is saving our daughter's life. 

Here in Tennessee you can get a St. Jude or a LeBonheur Children's Hospital license plate.  Erik and I were discussing which one I would get when it was time for me to renew my tags.  I decided I would probably get a St. Jude one, because this hospital will always have a special place in our hearts.  We plan on being able to declare that this was the place where our daughter was given a second chance at life.  This is where we found hope in the face of death. 

With that being said, LeBonheur is the place where our lives changed forever.  It is the place, where in 2 hours times, our world was turned upside down.  It is the place where I met Jesus more personally than ever in my life.  With my face buried on the bathroom floor, my God reached out to me and held my hand.  It was at the hospital we were told our daughter would surely die and then hours later told that she had a fighting chance to live.  It was at that place where we were given a new lease on life; a new perspective on living.  It was there that I was forever changed into the person that I hope to be forever.  It is there that we will bless many lives in the future. 

Erik and I both have full confidence that God has allowed us to walk through this valley for a reason.  We are so incredibly eager to find out what he has in store for us.  We know it is something big.  Already we view our lives through a different lens than most.  It is really hard to explain.  Things that mattered before don't matter now.  Things that didn't matter before mean the world to us now.  We are going to be called into a ministry position of some form.  I don't think that either of us will ever be more than what we are now vocationally, but we are supposed to do something with what we have learned.  We have seen too much and have heard too much.  We have been exposed to more "need" in this short period of Lucy's illness than most would be in a lifetime.  God is going to use us.  We are willing.  I just pray that we have a healed child in the end and a life deemed worthy when it is all over. 

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24 comments:

  1. Praying for sweet little Lucy during this round of chemo!
    I visited St. Jude a few days ago after work and thought of your little girl as soon as my feet hit that campus. St. Jude is such a gift and I know that between the God of miracles that we serve and the doctors there, Lucy is in good hands!
    Oh, and North MS offers a St. Jude license plate too.. I've had one since I got my very first car.

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  2. Lucy and your family are in my prayers. It is so heartwarming to hear someone so in trusting in God's plan.
    I don't know if I missed something but I was wondering what the results of the scan from last week revealed. I know you were happy with the results. Are the tumors all gone, is the cancer gone?
    God Bless you!

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  3. I have been praying for Lucy since I found your blog! I will be getting that iscense plate because thatnis an amazing hospital and I would love to help!!!

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  4. You have already met and conquered the "what comes next" that you talk about. You are witnessing on a daily basis by your talented writing, your true sharing and you willingness to accept the help and intervention of strangers. Our homily at church a few weeks back was about strength and I knew I was supposed to share this with someone but did not know who until this moment. It seems that violins are made from a strong wood and the best wood comes from the north side of a tree; that wood is considered the strongest becase the north side of a tree bears the brunt of all that nature can throw its way: winds, rains, cold, lack of sunshine. Violins made from this are reported to have a more resonant sound and a beauty unsurpassed. I was assured on that day that I would be telling someone that they were this violin - and I have waited patiently to know who to say this to. Although I have spent time with many people who have endured struggles since hearing this word from God, I have not felt compelled to share - until now! Kate, you ARE that violin made from wood from the north side of the tree. Your music is your words, your family and the testimony you give every day by your faithful presence here on this blog, in the hospital, everywhere you go. Thank you for answering the call from our precious Lord. We lift you in prayer today and surround you with a hedge of comfort as you hold Lucy's head and endure life on the north side of the tree.

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  5. Kate, my heart is so heavy with what Sweet Lucy has had to endure. Your Sweet Lucy is such a beautiful gift to us all. Still praying here in TX.

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  6. Your strong will, dedication and love for your children & family during this time in your life has been so incredibly inspiring.

    I think of you, your family, and Lucy often and have been sending you good thoughts since this journey has started. I wish you all the best.

    Amy in NY

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  7. Praise God for your faithfullness and I say that with tears streaming down my face.

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  8. If you ever want to talk, I would love to speak with you. Lucy and your family have been in our prayers. We too felt that calling to do something more. Le Bonheur (and St. Jude) are amazing places. I am so thankful for both of them.

    Brittany Spence
    www.forrestspencefund.com
    brittany@forrestspencefund.com

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  9. Yes, you are called to ministry and will be active everyday for the rest of your lives. You are already living your faith in a way that all of us who believe are touched by your journey. What would a nonbeliever do in your shoes? Daunting. Still praying. Cynthia

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  10. I am in Winnsboro, LA and will be praying for Lucy and all of you! I am praying also that one day no one will ever have to go through the things your precious daughter and you all are going through! I am so thankful for Danny Thomas and his vision and drive in making St Jude the wonderful place that it is...I was born and raised in Memphis, and proud to be from the home of SJCRH....

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  11. Heartbreak in the rearview mirror can almost be romanticized about when you have Jesus holding your hand through it and if it's the place where you meet Him face to face. I am praying the Lord will continue to heal Lucy and get the utmost glory from this situation and each life you touch in the process. May others see Jesus in you now and forever more in your current ministry opportunities and the ones to come. I know the plans He has for you, I read about them just the other day in Jeremiah and they included prosperity, hope and a future. We love each and every one of you.

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  12. Your transparency and honesty are such a blessing. Thank you for the ministry you are already doing in the lives of those of us who are following your very personal ordeal.

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  13. Kate,
    I read your posts almost daily, and I am humbled as I see how strong you are for your Lucy, Jack, Ella, and even Eric. I know that people probably tell you this daily, but you are such an inspiration. You have definately brought me to my knees on many instances as I read your posts which are filled with the rollercoaster of ups and downs. I pray that these next few months go by
    very quickly as I have complete faith in God's plan to cure your precious child. As your family continues this battle ahead, know that we will continue to lift you and yours up in prayer!

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  14. We are continuing to pray for sweet Lucy. And I'm now praying for her little body to get some relief from this sickness. Keep Believing!!

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  15. It broke my heart to hear about Lucy's day! I pray for her multiple times a day and will continue! It hurts me to see Lucy suffering! It's such an encouragement to me to see y'all so willing to serve even through this VERY tough situation!

    Continue your fight, sweet Lucy...Don't ever give up! I love you and I pray for you everyday! GO LUCY GO!!!!

    Love,
    Allison

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  16. hang in there! You guys and Lucy are doing awesome and I think of her and pray for her often!

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  17. Praying for Lucy and her whole family. St. Jude is wonderful! A group from Peoria, IL just completed their run from Memphis to Peoria and hope you were able to see them while they toured the facilities there! You are right--God definitely has a plan for you to speak up for Him after Lucy is finished with her treatments and healed!
    P.S. My mom has had lung cancer for the past 3 years and I took her for radiation/chemo treatments and know exactly your feelings. It is horrible! Praying for your family daily.
    A Praying Grandma

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  18. Hi Kate, my name is Angela and I have been praying for Lucy and the rest of your family since week one when I found your blog on another friend's blog. My family & I are serving at missionaries in Poland with the IMB. One of our colleagues from another country just found out their 7yo son has lukemia and is now at St. Jude's. Her name is Jennifer Dover and her son is Josiah. I don't know that Lucy's floor would be close to his or not but I just thought of all the ministry you have had with other and thought I would mention this to you. I am continuing to lift your sweet family to our Father, the great physician and healer!

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  19. Praying for sweet Lucy. I hope the chemo is doing its job and the side effects pass quickly.

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  20. Hello Kate, I read your blog every day but haven't commented much. I found you on someone else's blog and Lucy is on my heart somehow. Lucy and your entire family is always in my prayers. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this and so sorry that little children have to get this terrible disease. Sending hugs to all of you!

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  21. This post was very powerful! Your words have touched me deeply. I continue to pray for your entire family. I pray that Lucy is having a better day today. Sending {{{{hugs}}}}

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  22. I just want you to know im praying for your daughter. I admire your faith ill keep you and your family in my prayers and thank you so much for sharing your story with us

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  23. Zofran never did anything for my sister's nausea when she was in treatment. Benadryl and Phenergan are best. Remember to be assertive and ask for different medication if you know one doesn't help.

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  24. Checking in on you today and lifting you up in prayer. There is not one thing I can say that has not already even said. Just want u you to know that, though you may not feel it now, you ARE being carried through this ordeal in the arms of Jesus and on the prayers of all of the many strangers. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to join with your family in this fight.

    Sarah D

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