Another Day of Ups and Downs

Special prayer tonight: that God would miraculously give Lucy an appetite.  If she does not starting eating and drinking she will have to go on special food given by IV or a feeding button.  I really don't want that, but I also don't want to spend the next 6 months fighting with her everyday. 
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After a day off of hospital duty, Erik was back with me today for weekly doctor appointments.  We met with Dr. K, our Radiologist, and I really wanted him to be there with me.  It was a very sobering visit and I was so glad I did not have to do it alone.  He showed us Lucy's MRIs.  It was the first time we really got to see what we are dealing with.  We knew there were tumors left, but seeing really is believing.  I think somewhere deep within I wanted to convince myself they weren't really there.  But they are and her fight has just begun.  Day 4 of RT went well.  She is so good with the doctors.  Today she just sat up on the table and watched Scooby Doo while they did her Anesthesiology workup and then handed over her DS without any fuss when it was time to go to sleep.  She gave Erik and I a kiss and then she was out.  It is getting easier to stomach this whole process but I still leave with knots each time. 

So, we left our appointment with Dr. K feeling as if we had been kicked in the gut and I was crying (which is fairly normal for me these days).  We headed over to Dr. W's, our oncologist, for our 2-3 times a week check up.  She took Lucy off of two of her medicines--high fives all around.  Then she told us about the Magic Pump.  Basically we will not have to wake up all night to give her meds.  Another round of high-fives.  Literally.  We had the nurses and Dr. W laughing.  Listen, it's the little things in life right now that bring so much pleasure.  The pump is only good during the week, so this weekend we will be back on night duty, but we will take the three night break and be very grateful.  And just like that we were back on the happy track again.  Seriously.  These emotional rollercoasters are hard on a Mommy. 

(Waiting for RT to begin)

(school work with teacher Mommy)

Once we got home we played in the floor with Jack and spent time with Ella. Lucy played with Hyatt while Amanda and I went to visitation for my friend Sarah's dad.  Tonight felt so...normal.  It was great.  Erik's parents ate with us and then left for their apartment. 

We actually had a night with just us 5.  It was amazing.  Erik took care of Lucy--she was exhausted by 8:00.  Radiation just makes her so tired.  I bathed Jack and rocked him to sleep then I helped Ella shower and got her ready for bed.  Just a normal night at the Krull house.  I have been praying for a night like this for a long time.  Thank you God for answering this prayer. 

Something really special happened at our house tonight.  It deserves its own post.  I'll write about it tomorrow morning. 

Right now I am going to bed.  I've got baby duty all alone tonight.  Grandpa has been a God-send, but grandparents aren't great at listening to babies cry.  I've got some pretty nasty habits to undo!  Love you Grandpa!!!