It's Been One Week

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalms 118:24

It's hard to believe that it's been a week since we've been at the hospital.  One week ago today I took my baby girl to the doctor for what I believed to be a stomach virus/dehydration.  We arrived at the peditrician's office at 11:15 and by 1:00 we were at the ER at the best Children's hopsital around.  By 3:30 we received the most devastating news of our lives.  You try to process the whole experience and you just can't.  I've told many people that I can't even process what happened 5 minutes ago because you are constantly trying to prepare for what's going to happen 5 minutes from now. 

This was not supposed to happen.  Erik and I were supposed to be on a plane today heading to Colorado for a much needed snow-skiing vacation with 8 of our closests friends.  We had been planning this trip since November.  We have talked about this trip for months, looking forward to the memories that would be made.  But  now we are making different memories.  Horrible, terrible memories.  But memories that I know will fade away as the years go by and my Lucy defies all the odds.

Today was a good day.  I was in a bad, bad place yesterday.  At one point I looked at my baby laying in her hopsital bed and thought she would not make it to radiation.  I could see her dying in front of me.  I cried from the time I woke up to the time I finally fell asleep at 2:00am.  I was as far in the valley as I could have possibly been. 

And then the sun came up.  And it was a new day.  Last night I laid my baby at the throne of Christ.  I reconciled myself to the fact that she was never mine in the first place.  She is just on loan for a period of time.  While I will continue to pray that that period of time is a long, long one I am not guaranteed anything.  I resolved myself to giving it up and giving it to Him.  But don't get me wrong.  I am going to fight like Hell to keep her here.  Since my babies were born I have prayed a very selfish prayer.  I have asked God to allow me and Erik to live long enough to see ALL my children have grandchildren.  All of them--that includes Lucy.  I'm still praying for that with fervor, hope and faith.

Lucy had a great morning.  She once again suffered through physical therapy which involved standing, walking with assistance, sitting up straight, turning her head to the left and right and working her fine motor skills.  She had to sit at a table and play a short game of Candy Land.  This is one of her favorite games, but today it was sheer agony.  Walking is something she will struggle with for a while.  There are no promises as to when or how her full function will return.  The tumor in her spine was pressing against the nerve that controls mobility in the legs.  Her right side seems to have more paralysis and she has a lot more nerve damage/trauma there.  Her upper body cordination seems to be fine, but she has no muscle strength at all.  While she is at St. Jude she will undergo extensive OT and PT to rebuild/relearn these skills she lost. 

Erik and I met with the head of oncology radiology today.  He painted a little better picture than the Dr. yesterday, but still reminded us of the risks that radiation and chemotherapy pose.  While those risks are very clear and present dangers, we really don't have an option.  We discussed a more experimental form of radition involving protons instead of photons but failed to come to a difinitive reason to stray from the tried and true.  Once we make our decision about the radiation option I will share more about our thought processes.  It's just a lot to take in in a very short period of time.   Decisions like the ones we are making should take weeks to make.  We have less than 24 hours. 

They took Lucy off the Zofran (anti-nausea medicine) mid morning and removed all her IV fluids.  We did not agree with removing the Zofran but our NP thought it was necessary to see how she would tolerate eating without that buffer.  She did so well until around 4:00.  Around that time she got very sick.  It was only once but it was a big one.  While this was definately a set back, it was only a minor one.  Today was still a million times better than yesterday. 

As of this morning we were tentatively planning to try to get out of here by Friday.  After the vomiting episode today the St. Jude team thought it might be best just to do a hopsital to hospital transfer and finish this recovery at St. Jude.  I was so disappointed to hear that because I want to be home with my Ella and Jack ASAP.  However, right now this is all about Lucy.  Whatever is best for her.  She can not begin radiation until she is healthier and clearly we all know the benefits of starting radiation immediately.  Lucy has got to gain some weight also.  St. Jude feels that they might be able to control her caloric intake and even possibly supplemental feed through a button in her tummy.  This is no big deal and will be removed after treatment, but it would provide a sure-fire way of getting meat on her bones.  All of this is NOT final, just some things we are tossing about. 

Tomorrow we will go on a tour of St.Jude

Highlights of the day:

 Two guys from the football team from Brighton High School came to visit Lucy.  They brought her a Curious George monkey and a Bible.  She was exhausted by the time they got here, but she was so happy to see them.   I don't know if she thought they were really cool in their jerseys or she was just happy to get a gift.  Either way I was able to see this beautiful smile.

This was the first time Lucy let me sit in the bed with her.  Every inch of her little body aches from surgery so the extra weight on the bed just sent her spiraling.  But today I got to hold my baby--the way it should be.  I was really, really happy.

 Sitting at the table playing Candy Land

 She fed herself some ice cream.  Go Lucy Go!!

Exhausted, angry, confused and just plain not happy after PT.  Notice the blanket?  Ella was my only child to attach to an "object."  She also was my only one to take a paciferr too.  She loves to rub the satin around the edges of this blanket that my Aunt Kathy gave her a long time ago.  It was amazing how much peace that blanket brings.  God knew a long time that she would need something so comforting.  An inanimate object that she can cling to. 

Go Lucy Go!!!

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  1. Kate,
    Lucys smile shows hope. Your smile made me smile. God is God in the valley & God on the mountain.... love ya. Go Lucy Go!

  2. I haven't met you but I have 2 friends that know you well, Hope O'Briant & Sarah Sullivan. I am praying for you & your family daily. You're right that God definitely has a plan for each of us. Your attitude is an inspiration for everyone.

  3. Kate, I came across this verse last night and thought it was fitting for you today.


    We are praying for you....Go Lucy Go!!!

  4. I dont know you either, but we are praying for sweet Lucy in Columbus OH. Her smile made my morning. Go, Lucy, Go!

  5. Kate-
    I don't know if you got my message on FB yet but if not no worry. I know you will get it in God's timing just when you need to read it. I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for your spiritual faith and strength, it is such a testimony that you most likely aren't even aware of. So glad to see you and Lucy smile. Small victories get us to the big victories!

  6. Virginia is praying for you little Lucy and your family too. Thank you, Kate for sharing Lucy and her journey with us.

  7. Hey, so I don't know any of you but ever since this devistating news I have been following your blog. I am from Tipton county and have been seeing all the Pray for Lucy signs and know several people who may know you since I see their facebook profile picture is now of your sweet Lucy. Anyways, I work at Lebonheur and saw you yesterday in the cafeteria and started to head in there and say "Hi Kate" then I realized wait I don't know her and she doesnt know me. . . .duhhhhhh. I just feel as though I know you from reading your blog. You are a strong woman and I find you very inspiring. I pray for Lucy and you and your family that God will give you all the strength you need to get through this. She will beat this I just know it!

  8. Thank you for sharing Lucy with us. We are praying for your entire family.

  9. Go Lucy Go..

    I popped over from UK and after reading this I have tears in my eyes. I hope your little princess makes it through xx

    Barenakedmummy (UK)

  10. My goodness your Lucy is quite a fighter, and so are you. I will keep Lucy in my thoughts and prayers as you and your family make your way through this horrible time in your life.You are so strong to think ahead and of the bright future your daughter will have. God Bless Lucy and your beautiful family =)

  11. I don't know you and your family personally, but I am praying for y'all daily! I have my pink & purple ribbon flying outside my work place here in Covington. Seeing her little smile in your post, made my day! Praying for you guys constantly!

  12. That beautiful smile has surely lifted a lot of heavy hearts. God bless you as you travel through this rollercoaster of a ride.
    In Christian Love,
    Joan Hanks

  13. Hi Kate. I'm a new follower and I just want you to know that I'm praying hard for your beautiful girl!


  14. I am praying for your sweet Lucy and all of your precious family. Through Christ all things are possible and I KNOW He is holding Lucy in His hands!

  15. Eric & Kate,
    Your pain reminds me of what I have cost God. What He must have felt as my sins nailed Jesus to that cross. I am truly remorseful.
    I know that God feels your pain, will hold you close, and not abandon you. And He loves Lucy!!

  16. KATE!
    My heart breaks as I read this. I can't EVEN imagine. I just want you to know your STRENGTH amazes me! You have a beautiful family! LUCY! WOW, what a SWEET, Precious, awesome little fighter! She has touched MY heart and I send her LOTS of lOVE, hugs and prayers!And you Kate, continue so stay strong! I wrap my arms around you from one mommy to another and give you the comfort and the strength that I have to help you through this journey.May God bless you.

  17. Kate,
    You & Lucy are such an inspiration to all of us who follow your blog. I am in awe of your faith. You make me try to be a better Christian. Thank you for sharing & know that someone in Arkansas is praying hard for you & your family.

  18. Kate-

    I heard about your blog from Leigh Ellis and we were all at Memphis around the same time. I am truly heartbroken that your family, but especially Lucy, are having to go through such pain and suffering. You can tell one thing from your writing and pictures, though: you have a fighter on your hands! Lucy is so brave and we're praying for her, you, your family, and the doctors and nurses.

  19. I've been praying for Lucy, you, and your entire family. I've started reading your blog everyday and love getting an update and seeing pictures of Lucy smiling.

    I am 23 years old and I still sleep with my blanket.(an old towel that belonged to my mom) Naturally the last photo of Lucy with her blanket immediately brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes.
    love & prayers :)

  20. Please know that we are praying for you all! My heart breaks for you as I read your blog daily. I know everyone is giving you verses but I have one too that really helped me through a very difficult time so maybe it will help you too.

    Behold I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything to difficult for me?
    Jeremiah 32:27

    Missy & Michael Harris